SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I haven’t been back here in awhile. Quick version - my WH and I worked together. A young coworker has some serious boundary issues, very flirty, touchy, etc. (her STBX also worked with us). Rumors started that she had an A with my WH. He vehemently denied, I never found any evidence - no phone calls, texts, emails unrelated to work. But over the years there have been weird coincidences- she used to run by our house daily, during Covid we moved and suddenly she started running by our new house (I didn’t think anyone knew where it was but apparently she did). They went to a work event separately, it wasn’t very far away and my WH decided to spend the night because he said he was going out with some guys from another company that he knows and would probably have a little to drink (he sent me photos) but I found out later she also spent the night at an AirBnb. I have asked numerous times for the truth, which he swears nothing has happened - this has been over the course of 6 years. Fast forward to now, I have landed my dream job and no longer work with them and I have to travel a lot, which makes me feel insecure. I recently got home and opened his iPad. Accessed his messages and found old messages, all work related (from last spring) from "Dora". Looked deeper, it’s her number. I checked back several months in our phone bills - no other calls or texts. But why would he give her a fake name in his phone??? It’s driving me nuts. I want to confront him but I don’t want to give away my source (iPad). It makes me wonder if something did happen at some point but maybe isn’t happening now??? How do I confront him without him figuring out how I know? He always says "if you want to see my phone just ask" - why would do that if I would figure out who Dora was?? (he knows how sensitive I am to their interactions at work) Maybe I just don’t want to accept what’s right in front of my face.

On my way out.

My WH had his AP listed in his contacts as her husband's name.

Could he possibly have a burner phone?

I have thought of that! If he does he doesn’t keep it in his car, office or our house. I have also suspected she uses a Google voice number - she is over 20 years younger and much more technologically savvy. I wouldn’t even know how to discover that. Part of me feels like he’s much better at covering things up because of last time (which was 14 years ago), but I can’t find anything….

I'm a teacher and have found parents way more responsive to texts than phone calls, so I got Google Voice as a way to contact parents without exposing my real phone number and being able to keep those contacts separate from my friends/family contacts.

So, if you know how to search for a specific app on your H's phone, then just search for "voice." On my android, it shows up as a green phone icon with a white background.

If you find the app, there are 4 elements of the app that show up at the bottom of the app screen:

Calls

Contacts

Messages

Voicemail

I did play with the delete messages feature and this app does seem to permanently delete messages that you choose to delete. I didn't find a trash that holds them.

If you find this app, I have a little more info.

What'sApp is also a possible app in play. It allows for video calling and would be popular with cheaters.

[This message edited by BreakingBad at 10:50 PM, Thursday, August 10th]

@BreakingBad - Thank you for this! I’ll see what I can find. I know she is proficient at Google Voice because she helped me set mine up 🙄 although I never ended up using it.

My WH had his AP listed in his contacts as her husband's name.

Mine had AP listed under his brother's name (his brother as I found out later, didn't have a separate line from his girlfriend so he actually didn't have a phone).

Part of me feels like he’s much better at covering things up because of last time (which was 14 years ago)

and you are likely right - if something is happening the cover up gets better. It did for my WH after d-day 1 during false R.

The AP in my world used burner numbers all the time - there are multitudes of apps that will let you "buy" numbers in various area codes - it was super cheap and they even had package pricing (unlimited numbers per month for some fairly low amount like $30 sigh). While it made it impossible to track, it also made it really easy to figure out as there were millions of texts and calls each few days to a certain number, then that number would never be contacted again and the same would start up with a different number - lather, rinse, repeat. My WH never seemed to change his phone and while he would use WhatsApp from time to time he preferred the delete method.

After the fact I asked him why he didn't get a burner phone or use WhatApp or something like that. His response re the burner phone was he wasn't going to have two phones, Period, like some kind of drug dealer (apparently that made him feel too sleazy or something ). He later realized while I couldn't see who he was contacting/what he was saying, you can check the battery settings of an iPhone (or you used to be able to with the iPhone 10) and see how much battery each app used each day/hour - my WH's app usage (phone 4%, text 12%, safari, 17%, etc) would add up to like 30% of his total usage so while it did not show the deleted apps (he would delete what app every day before he came home and the reinstall it every morning after I went to work) it would show that 70% (or whatever he used WhatsApp for that day) as unaccounted for. I called him out on this and he lied and lied and lied and one day when he went with me to the Mac store for my laptop I asked the genius girl why that would be happening. She basically confirmed what I had read - that something was being deleted, or there was something wrong with some process in his phone (but it was clear she didn't even buy that). WH went with the whole "oh there must be something wrong" but when she offered to replace the phone he declined saying it otherwise worked fine (he is the type that would take the new phone always). The girl looked at me for a second longer than she should, then she went about dealing with my computer. Needless to say the battery thing magically fixed itself after that, and the switch to the burner numbers for AP began.

When I asked him about that later - eg like 2 years ago, he admitted that is exactly what he was doing - deleting it every day and reinstalling every day and that when I called him out about it at the Mac store he was pissed (at me of course) and told the AP and she came up with the burner phone number thing all on her own - what a gal.

Finally, when I asked him about the new number every 2-3 days he said he didn't worry about that because I could get as pissed off and suspicious as I wanted but I could never prove it was her. So, in other words, he didn't care if I drove myself crazy trying to figure it out because I couldn't prove it anyway.

My H was stupid enough to call the OW (trying to pretend it was work related). When he knew I could see the cell phone logs he switched to Skype.

If he wants to hide it he can. There are apps and secret messaging in FB and other sites. I think if it like sending up the bat signal. They know how to get in touch with each other no matter what happens.

And for the record you don’t need proof. The fact she ran by your new house daily shows the disrespect she has AND the disrespect he has for you. He should have shut that down. But he didn’t. 😡😡

You can D or S from him for any reason. It’s not a discussion. When I calmly informed my H just after dday2 I was D him the conversation was 30 seconds (I did all the speaking) and left the room.

You don’t need to ASK him are you cheating. It may not matter to you if it has stopped or is long over. The point is you have zero trust.

You can tell him that your idea of marriage is not in keeping with his, you tried your best but unfortunately it no longer works for you and it’s time to D or S.

You are not doing this to end the affair. You are doing this yo get yourself out of a life of distrust marred by cheating and lying.

I hope this helps you.