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Newest Member: Btz1981

Divorce/Separation :
Its been 2 1/2 years since I found out about 4th affair.

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Wool (original poster new member #58578) posted at 1:49 AM on Sunday, August 6th, 2023

It’s been 2 1/2 years since I found out about the 4th affair. Three were with the same person. He told me he loved her. He moved out and after a week wanted to return. I made him stay out 3 months. He has said some gut wrenching things to me but now says he realizes he never loved her. He has been in canceling for 2 1/2 years (never really went before) and I can tell he has changed. But I’m still devastated and think of it everyday. We live in a small town so every time I enter a restaurant or store I anticipate running in to her. Back in January while I was out of town he went to a restaurant and she was there and walk up behind him hoping to "entice" him I’m sure but instead he got pretty loud and told her to get away from him. He didn’t tell me this I ended up hearing from someone else who was at the restaurant. When I questioned him he said he knew I would be upset if I knew. It just never goes away. I have a daughter entering her senior year of high school. My kids are my world and probably why I stayed. I feel disappointed in myself. How could I stay after things he said? After affair number 4. Early on he would tell me I was "over reacting" and I would say how is someone who has been cheated on 4 times supposed to act? I can’t believe I stayed. Like I said, family has a lot to do with it. And fear. I feel I will never be happy in this. I will always doubt him.

posts: 4   ·   registered: May. 4th, 2017
id 8803448
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 6:51 AM on Sunday, August 6th, 2023

Have you been in IC to recover from the trauma? If you feel that the A's are deal-breakers, you can still D.

I had plenty of fear, too. But, I could no longer stay in our 30+ year M. FWIW, my oldest said he couldn't believe I stayed married for so long. My relationship with my adult children is better now than it has been in a long time.

What do you want?

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 2871   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8803457
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Helena67 ( member #80506) posted at 3:30 PM on Sunday, August 6th, 2023

It is never to late to choose another direction. If you feel that you will never be happy in this relationship start making plans. Go see a lawyer. Think about how you want your future to look like. And maybe that will give you clarity...

BS (me) 56 years. Divorcing. Almost there!

posts: 122   ·   registered: Aug. 10th, 2022   ·   location: The Netherlands
id 8803469
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 4:43 PM on Monday, August 7th, 2023

Wool, you did what you needed to do at that time. So do not feel embarrassed or shamed for that. Now you can choose something different.
Your kids are older and you’ve had enough time to see if your H is who you want to spend the rest of your life with

IC is a great idea - a safe space where you and the C can look at what you have and what you want and what is wishful thinking.

You deserve to feel loved and cherished. And that means either with your H or in a new beginning. Start with IC and be as honest and authentic as you can be there .

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5695   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8803588
Topic is Sleeping.
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