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Newest Member: Issyibbitt

Wayward Side :
Back and not happy about it

Topic is Sleeping.

 permanentchange5 (original poster member #36547) posted at 2:47 AM on Tuesday, July 18th, 2023

So it’s been years since I posted here, but I am back and not happy about it.

I am guilty of repeated infidelity. The most recent one has resulted in the beginning of a separation. I never took the things I had to do serious enough clearly,. And now all the most important things in my life are slipping away. My kids and my best friend.

Now as self-serving as that may sound, it is nothing compared to knowing the trauma I put my wife/best friend through. The emotional and physiological abuse. It was never fair.

They talk about the bubble one is in when they are off in their self-serving world. No excuse. But I just cannot believe yet again how stupid and such an idiot I was. To risk everything for something so surface and without substance.

Off to therapy again tomorrow. Lot of good it did me the last time. I have to commit to lifelong therapy. As my wife says, I am a sociopath.

I am not looking for the "poor yous" here. But I think it would be healthy to connect with others, dialogue the process openly.

I have lost it all be my wife isn’t looking back.

posts: 60   ·   registered: Aug. 19th, 2012   ·   location: Ottawa
id 8799802

denwickdroylsden ( member #51744) posted at 12:26 PM on Tuesday, July 18th, 2023

I too am a wayward partner. I have nothing to offer but sympathy. My situation is a bit different because my W decided to stay despite my repeat offenses. But the outcome is not optimal. Some broken things cannot be repaired. You will move past this and I am sure there is something better for you in future. Best of luck.

[This message edited by denwickdroylsden at 12:26 PM, Tuesday, July 18th]

Me: WH frequent flyerNow on straight and narrow.
Paragraphing: Try it. You'll like it.

posts: 66   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2016
id 8799827

DaddyDom ( member #56960) posted at 1:43 PM on Tuesday, July 18th, 2023

I am a sociopath.

No, you are not. If you were, you wouldn't even be here right now (Sociopaths don't feel guilt or remorse). So stop labeling yourself as someone who cannot do better or be better. Sociopaths cannot change. Cheaters can absolutely change.

But you do need help, and you have work ahead of you. FWIW, at the time of my affair, I was experiencing a major psychological event. Years of unresolved complex PTSD and other major trauma's all came to a head, and when they did, it "broke me". In fact, I was later today that, not only was I not totally sane at the time, I probably wasn't even safe to be around, and likely should have been committed for safety.

It's been 8 years since that happened. I've been through a lot of therapy, done a lot of hard work, learned to accept a lot of things, and have dealt with trauma's and rebuilt my entire identity. It's no small feat. But today I'm a better person, a less damaged and less broken person, someone capable of both empathy and self-love. If I can do it, so can you.

There is a lot ahead of you, and I hope you are serious about making a change. It's always easier to not change. But then you stay stuck in what is obviously an unhappy life. So there very first and most crucial step to recovery is simply this - unless a medical professional tells you otherwise - recognize that you are not only capable of change, but deserve to be happy. Regardless of whether you save your marriage or not, you can still heal. If you do not heal, then nothing changes, and you remain a cheater and an unhappy person. Do the work however, and no matter what comes, you can live a life where you have self-respect and hard-earned pride in who you are and what you put out into the world.

It is great you are here. Keep coming back.

Me: WS
BS: ISurvivedSoFar
D-Day Nov '16
Status: Reconciling
"I am floored by the amount of grace and love she has shown me in choosing to stay and fight for our marriage. I took everything from her, and yet she chose to forgive me."

posts: 1436   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2017
id 8799835

Bor9455 ( member #72628) posted at 2:34 PM on Wednesday, July 19th, 2023

Sorry to see that you are back. Therapy is a good move for you, but without commitment to true change, you are going to fail. Do you have a sense of what boundaries and behaviors that you thought you corrected that failed here? You cannot begin go put the right corrective action in place until you understand how you got to this place.

Myself - BH & WH - Born 1985 Her - BW & WW - Born 1986

D-Day for WW's EA - October 2017D-Day no it turned PA - February 01, 2020

posts: 667   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2020   ·   location: Miami
id 8800009

forgettableDad ( member #72192) posted at 3:06 PM on Wednesday, July 19th, 2023

Lot of good it did me the last time

You got it backwards; you didn't do a lot of good to your therapy. Unless you throw yourself into it and are selfish enough to want to actually change, you may as well grind water.

posts: 309   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2019
id 8800018
Topic is Sleeping.
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