I am a sociopath.
No, you are not. If you were, you wouldn't even be here right now (Sociopaths don't feel guilt or remorse). So stop labeling yourself as someone who cannot do better or be better. Sociopaths cannot change. Cheaters can absolutely change.
But you do need help, and you have work ahead of you. FWIW, at the time of my affair, I was experiencing a major psychological event. Years of unresolved complex PTSD and other major trauma's all came to a head, and when they did, it "broke me". In fact, I was later today that, not only was I not totally sane at the time, I probably wasn't even safe to be around, and likely should have been committed for safety.
It's been 8 years since that happened. I've been through a lot of therapy, done a lot of hard work, learned to accept a lot of things, and have dealt with trauma's and rebuilt my entire identity. It's no small feat. But today I'm a better person, a less damaged and less broken person, someone capable of both empathy and self-love. If I can do it, so can you.
There is a lot ahead of you, and I hope you are serious about making a change. It's always easier to not change. But then you stay stuck in what is obviously an unhappy life. So there very first and most crucial step to recovery is simply this - unless a medical professional tells you otherwise - recognize that you are not only capable of change, but deserve to be happy. Regardless of whether you save your marriage or not, you can still heal. If you do not heal, then nothing changes, and you remain a cheater and an unhappy person. Do the work however, and no matter what comes, you can live a life where you have self-respect and hard-earned pride in who you are and what you put out into the world.
It is great you are here. Keep coming back.
D-Day Nov '16
"I am floored by the amount of grace and love she has shown me in choosing to stay and fight for our marriage. I took everything from her, and yet she chose to forgive me."