Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: IHateEverything

New Beginnings :
Sexuality after Infidelity

Topic is Sleeping.

 Shehawk (original poster member #68741) posted at 11:22 PM on Friday, July 14th, 2023

In less than a month I will be a free woman. Free of infidelity. Free of a more than 3 decades long abusive marriage with multiple d days. Free to engage in consensual relationships again instead of the involuntary celibacy wh inflicted on me while the D languished.

I was for no reason I can think of consumed by a panicked feeling at the thought of being sexually intimate in this almost here future. I had this feeling of all consuming dread and panic in a public place for no known trigger.

It’s been over 5 years since my last D day.

Over 4 years of healing post failed R. And still the ugly hand of Trauma reaches out and smacks me upside the head.

[This message edited by Shehawk at 12:45 AM, Saturday, July 15th]

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1379   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8799482

leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 4:13 AM on Saturday, July 15th, 2023

Maybe step back and not think about intimacy with somebody else yet. Date yourself first. Go out and do nice things for you, go to places you want to see, check out a new restaurant or several. Become comfortable with yourself, then maybe something will organically spring up and you won't have to sweat bullets over somebody else.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 2683   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8799507

Justsomeguy ( member #65583) posted at 6:26 PM on Saturday, July 15th, 2023

When I was married, te thought of be with another woman literally made me queasy. I could not comprehend getting used to her smell, etc.

After I filed for D and separated, very nervous at the prospect of intimacy. It took me a while to get my footing again. The biggest thing I had to do is give myself permission to be physical and really enjoy it. It was only after I had really great, truly authentic intimate experiences, that I came to realize just how lacking the intimacy had been in my M.

Human being are physical creatures. You will find your way. One note of caution would be in navigating this modern world of dating. You will learn a whole new set of terms. Although I'm not one for casual sex, I had plenty of women try to hookup with me. Some people see sex as a simple recreational activity. Me,I see it as a physical, emotional, and spiritual connection, so I can't do FWB.

Good luck navigating these new waters....

Me:55 STBXWW:55 DD#1: false confession of EA Dec. 2016. False R for a year.DD#2: confessed to year long PA Dec. 2 2017 (was about to be outed)Called it off and filed. Denied having an affair in court papers.

Divorced 2022!!!!

posts: 1581   ·   registered: Jul. 25th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8799542

 Shehawk (original poster member #68741) posted at 9:58 PM on Saturday, July 15th, 2023

Thanks for the posts.

Lea it’s been more than 5 years of healing. I am going to enjoy my new life. I am not jumping into a sexual relationship. However there is no shortage of men who have know me for years and had their own issues with infidelity and unwanted Divorce who have expressed to me and to friends that they view me as the type of woman you marry. I am not sure that is a good thing. But it did make me realize the other day that the sexual aspects of my marriage were so aweful that the thought of being intimate makes me want to throw up. I think it is just a phase in healing. But it’s a scary phase to me….

Justsomeguy you are correct in so many ways.

I put my info into one of the classier dating sites just to access their background check tools.

I was matched in seconds… by accident. Modern technology and all.

I often joked with my male platonic lockdown roommate that we both could have walked into a bar and chosen someone by random and found a much better partner (non cheating non lying) than the ones we each picked.

I truly wonder if being married to my very soon to be finally legal ex was so damaging…

I don’t even know how to go about starting to fix this….but thanks to everyone who has weighed in.

[This message edited by Shehawk at 1:21 AM, Sunday, July 16th]

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1379   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8799556

 Shehawk (original poster member #68741) posted at 10:00 PM on Saturday, July 15th, 2023

And sorry that so many of us experienced adverse sexual experiences in our marriages.

"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!

posts: 1379   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2018   ·   location: VA
id 8799557
Topic is Sleeping.
Cookies on®® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20230830 2002-2023® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy