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hey guys and gals.. how do you manage kids in the aftermath? i’ve been doing this shit for five years and i still don’t know what the right recipe is. i think i’m a reasonable guy, and i have two beautiful, wonderful daughters (12 and 15) and they’re the most awesome things that i’ve produced in my otherwise meaningless attempt at being a human😂 their mom is toxic and judgmental, and i’m just tryin like hell to keep their confidence up and to keep them motivated … ya know, goal oriented and moving past the past but i’m diggin for perspective and good ideas on the parenting side.. anybody wanna share anything? i’m all ears if u do

The best gift I got from my maternal grandmother when my parents divorced following infidelity was that she was always pleased to see me. I was never a hassle to her.

Both my parents loved me but my Dad would make time, catch up, take a rain check etc. My Mum would mostly wallow in despair (but has improved a lot in her 70’s at the finish line).

But my grandmother’s love was communal, unstinting, perhaps a little austere, it wasn’t gushy or indulgent, but good. And she did that with crippling osteoarthritis, scoliosis and macular deterioration.

I want to give my kids that experience of parental love.

[This message edited by straightup at 3:42 AM, Monday, June 5th]

My kids are both 16. I mostly just make a point of spending time with them. When they're holed up in their bedrooms, I don't hesitate to bust in. Sometimes I'll leave them alone if they look like they're really bothered by it, but most times we'll chat about whatever. I ask questions about their interests and what they're up to. At this age I know they want privacy as well, so I try to balance that.

The motivation thing is hard. I'm more worried right now about my son than my daughter. The summer's going to be hard as well. Neither of them has a job, although they're sort of looking. I'll have to make sure they get out of the house regularly. Actually - you've given me a great idea, with this topic. We have great walking trails around here but it gets hot. I think this summer we'll take a walk to the neighborhood pool on my lunch break every day that we can.

Thanks for posting this. It helps to keep me going and on track.

thanks for the feedback y’all. my 12 yr old is in her room on facetime with her bff right now😁 i try not to be smothering, but i always try to be available in case they have that moment when they need advice right this second. i feel like if i miss that moment it’s gone…. i spend a lot of time waiting, but i feel like when i’m available at the right moment, it’s productive and helpful. it’s just a lot of waiting 😂 oh, and for the record, my mema was that woman in my world when i was a kid. and my girl’s nana has stepped into the same role. it’s impressive

I think the biggest thing that a dad can do for his daughter is to just love and support her along with be her champion. There are a number of great books out there about dads and daughters. I read a bunch of them! A fathers guide to raising daughters was my favorite.

A few things that have helped us
1. No subject is off limits
2. Listening! Amazing what keeping your trap shut can do. I tend to provide guidance only when asked, or if we are having a discussion.
3. Daddy daughter dates
4. Own your mistakes! Seriously! I make sure that I recognize every mistake with my children and apologize when I have even come close to the line…. They can see our human side and realize they do not need to be perfect.
5. Family game nights
6. Participate in their life as much as they will let you.

It always gets her when she can be so happy, and it brings tears to my eyes. She knows she is loved for who she is……