Absolutely, the pain would have continued. She wasn't done months ago with her change, which a direction I wasn't happy to go in. We're both better off now being separated. And thank you for opening the thread back up for me.
I'm sorry for what you went through as well :( It hurts when you both feel like your long-term plans are aligned, and then suddenly half the tires want to go in a separate direction lol And you're exactly right about that!! A relationship with one person is tough enough, and each person added to it grows the complexity and margin for excessive stress and miscommunication exponentially. I can say that at least in my situation, my ex truly does want to have a fulfilling relationship with one person and then branch out to others. I hope that you're treating yourself well! I finally feel that I'm ready to wholly move on to striking my own path forward, free of past influences.
Thank you, everyone here has put in the time and effort into trying to help, and it's very appreciated :)
Polyamory is real, and my ex is polyamorous, as are a few of my friends. But as you said, my ex also committed adultery, and these two combined led to destroying the marriage. Don't use a broad brush to paint everyone with the same stroke - the two are separate things and deserve their own discussion.
Thank you for sharing your insight and experience. I absolutely agree with everything you wrote. She and I had talked about how to navigate the situation, talked with a therapist, revisited the topic, etc. She had told me a few times she never wanted to D (having a "nesting partner" while being polyamorous is her goal), but I wanted it for the reasons you stated - both because she cheated, and because I wanted the comfort and fulfillment I feel with a monogamous partner. I hope others read your comment, because you have exactly the right idea.
Yes, the "poly is superior" attitude is more prevalent on social media platforms, often with cherry-picked quotes and citations from controversial figures. Thank you for emphasizing that being poly is an option, and it's not for everyone, and it also requires the same ethics as any other relationship.
Much better now, thank you :)