NotMyFirstRodeo ( member #75220) posted at 2:18 PM on Tuesday, April 11th, 2023
My WW has an avoidant personality. So she merely chooses to avoid thinking about or exploring a means to address the lack of trust and belief we both know I have in her.
Based on her lack of effort for the last four years (regardless of whatever the FOO basis) I've accepted that it's just how things will be as long as I'm with her. I've long stopped playing detective and focus on trying to be a good dad. If I were to think I could somehow do something which would improve the lack of trust I have in her, I'd be a fool. As long as I'm here, she has an opportunity to work towards rebuilding my faith and trust in her but I'm not holding my breath. To be frank about the whole thing...why would she change? I'm not forcing the issue by leaving and she's shown that she won't muster up something from within herself to act. But I'd rather deal with this than be a part-time dad. She, in turn, maintains her status quo. Over the last few years it's been made evident that the best I can do is to let go of that which I can't control; her facing the uncomfortable topic of trust, where it went and why it is gone.
Honestly, I'm just a little jealous of other BS's whose mates are facing the loss of trust head on. Must be nice.
[This message edited by NotMyFirstRodeo at 7:21 PM, Tuesday, April 11th]
Every lie we tell incurs a debt to the truth. Sooner or later that debt is paid.
MrCleanSlate ( member #71893) posted at 4:36 PM on Wednesday, April 12th, 2023
Probably one of the more heartfelt and concise statements I have read in a while on this site.
I'd love to be able to say there is some bit of wisdom as a WS that I can impart to you to help your WW change, but there really isn't. It is in her court. Maybe you can help her along but there is only so much you can do....
Your post really hit me.
(I was the avoidant personality too. Still am in so many ways, and fight it each day. So in some respect I get where you and your WW are)
Bulcy. Read NMFR's post a few times and think about where you want to go.
WH 53,my BW is 52. 1 year PA, D-Day Oct 2015. Admitted all, but there is no 'clean slate'. In R and working it everyday"
To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day
Bulcy (original poster member #74034) posted at 3:32 PM on Saturday, April 15th, 2023
A powerful post. Succinct and with a huge heartfelt message.
As is clear, I'm avoidant. In so many areas of my life. This is a difficult change for me as avoiding difficult conversations and realities is something I've done for decades. As with MrCS this has to be a battle I commit to fighting every day.
WH (40's) Me. Emotional affair (2017), Physical affair (2003) and online affairs, Two physical affairs (2000). D-Day's 2003, August '17, multiple discoveries through 2018,19 and 20, Jan 21 and 2022
My history is not my destiny