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So been working on things with my WW. Have an anniversary coming-up. I was always the 'planner' for things like this, but she has been doing better with thing like this. Honestly, I really don't want to plan anything and see what she does. At the same time, I don't want to play the passive/aggressive game. Don't know what to do.

Do you want to celebrate the anniversary? You could talk to her and share your thoughts.

I understand not vocalizing things like that—it doesn’t come easy to me. But I have found it’s better to figure out what I want and then talk about it. It’s better than being quiet and then having something happen that you don’t want or that causes you extra pain.

You shouldn’t have to plan it unless you just want to.

If you want to leave the ball in her court, then do so. If it is to do so just to see if she passes or fails, well I personally don't find that very helpful or fulfilling.

Agreed with Grieving. I usually just say what I want and get pretty good results with that.

Thanks all. Yeah, I'm inclined to simply ask her what she wants to do this year and see where that goes. Honestly, I'm mixed. part of me wants to do something, but only if she shows some initiative in planning it, another part of me would be fine giving it a miss this year (second anniversary post our "last" dday).

Seems you’re very thoughtful, not just in planning things but also in not wanting to be passive aggressive about waiting to see if she takes the initiative. In my view, that would not be passive aggressive in the light of you not really being that bothered about celebrating it. I’m personally not one for doing anniversaries per se as they feel a little Hallmark to me, (every day should be Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day etc) and it might be she feels similarly about such things, therefore not being so involved in the planning in the past. But the question is whether she takes a back seat in many things? Or whether she has expected the anniversary arrangements from you as an old fashioned view of it being the male prerogative to woo? And therefore is there entitlement in this respect? Chapman’s 5 Love Languages offers a lens to look at this kind of thing, how to examine whether and how love is reciprocated or not across the language spectrum and how to translate it.

[This message edited by Edie at 11:54 AM, Monday, March 27th]

I'm inclined to simply ask her what she wants to do this year and see where that goes.

I think that's the healthiest way to handle this. You could plan something together. Or, if you'd rather she do it, you could tell her "I don't want to plan anything. I'd appreciate you taking over this year."

I'm inclined to simply ask her what she wants to do this year and see where that goes

That's a healthy approach and very smart. I hope it leads to good communication and a solid plan.