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Dontgetit4 ( new member #83048) posted at 8:09 PM on Sunday, March 26th, 2023
So it's ultimately morals. Likewise my ws said they compartmentalized the affair, which is just an excuse, and a pretty common one from what I gather. She had to make herself feel better and try to trick me about coming home to kiss my kids with cum mouth putting them at risk to disease. So she cheated, lied, put on an act and literally risked my childrens LIVES to not raise any suspicions. How else would you describe risking the lives of children to keep your happy little life?
[This message edited by Dontgetit4 at 8:14 PM, Sunday, March 26th]
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 12:21 PM on Wednesday, March 29th, 2023
I am sure many of you would definitely say 'no' even when strongly tempted, but I am sure it wouldn't be an easy 'no'.
You'd be wrong. It just is an easy NO. Because I am worth it.
I've turned down rich, poor, young, old, average and Adonis. Why? Because anyone who would hit on a married woman is not worthy. I don't care what package they are wrapped in.
When you love and respect yourself, it just is that easy.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 1:39 PM on Wednesday, March 29th, 2023
So it's ultimately morals.
I don't think it's morals exactly. I'm not saying that cheating isn't an amoral decision. It certainly is. But I think the genesis of cheating lies in the heart. Either the heart is loyal, or it's not. A disloyal heart can cause a brain to go through all manner of contortions and machinations to justify cheating, including bending moral distinctions. Tons of cheaters don't think they are acting immorally, at least while they're cheating. My point is, the main big step to cheat starts in the heart. Hank Williams said it best: "Your cheating heart will make you weep."
"The wicked man flees when no one chases."
Dontgetit4 ( new member #83048) posted at 6:37 PM on Wednesday, March 29th, 2023
That's actually deeper then if I'm understanding you correctly. Much like an alcoholic it's who cheaters are?
[This message edited by Dontgetit4 at 6:38 PM, Wednesday, March 29th]
Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 7:43 PM on Wednesday, March 29th, 2023
Much like an alcoholic it's who cheaters are?
Sort of. We have agency over what our hearts yearn for, to some degree. Consider a spendthrift who pisses all his money away on trifles. He does it because his heart loves a new purchase, finds joy there. He could spent some time meditating upon these choices and where they are leading him long term. He could gain understanding of the good things that inure to a person who saves his money and invests it, rather than pissing it away. With time, he could come to find that his heart now desires that outcome because he recognizes the good in it.
A cheater, that is somebody who has guided his or her heart to yearn for stuff other than what the marriage is providing. A person who does not lead an examined life.
"The wicked man flees when no one chases."
Dontgetit4 ( new member #83048) posted at 8:10 PM on Wednesday, March 29th, 2023
I see. I see a lot that "actions don't define the ws! They were in a "fog" but you must look for actions to determine remorse!"
Actions define who you are, this is applied everywhere in life except infidelity and I don't understand it. I know the ws needs some sort of excuse like a fog or compartmentalizing to save the marriage they now arbitrarily care(?) About but I just think it's a little silly
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