SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just felt like I needed to vent tonight. With my departure getting very close at hand I am finding myself on this site more often. So I wanted to share a bit about something that happened this week that really got under my skin.

Let me start by saying that my WW has always been aware that reconciliation was not off the table at any point until one of us remarried. So the last few weeks we have kinda been in this lull where we talked a bit about her behavior and making real changes. It was nice.

I asked her last Tuesday of she'd read a book for me. Small book, the kind you could read in a day if you dedicated the time to it. But she said to me, "I promise I will have it read by Saturday." I agreed, and told her I was counting on her to keep her promise.

The week comes and goes, and Sunday rolls around. I ask her if she managed to finish it. Turns out she hadn't even started it yet. I get all the usual excuses, "I was busy." "I didn't want to have to keep pausing my reading, I wanted to find time to read uninterrupted." Mind you, this woman spent a combined 18 hours on Facebook and Tiktok over that same period.

Obviously I was upset. I explained to her how this shows that she doesn't take trust seriously, and she gets all upset with me saying things like, "I should just never promised you I'd read it." "I didn't think you'd be so upset over not getting it done on time."

I try my best to explain to her that trust is very important even in those "little" things, and she basically falls back on her tried and true, "What does it matter anyway. It wouldn't have made a difference." Once she was done trying to make me see her way she basically told me, "Don't ever ask me to read something again. If you want me to read something then just divorce me."

I still am set to leave in early April, and hopefully by then it will all be over (divorce paperwork is in the waiting period). But I just can't help but be floored by how quick she can change from seemingly so kind to just not even giving the tiniest damn.

Just needed to get that out of my system. Hope everyone is having an OK evening. Thanks for being a place I can share my thoughts.

You have been heard. She really doesn’t get it, does she? I’m glad you have your plans set and will soon be able to remove yourself from this.
Some WS (mine included) just aren’t up to facing their own demons and becoming the people they told us they were.

Hang in there. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Meanwhile, gray rock or 180 to keep your sanity.

Mafayu,

You have been heard.

I'm so sorry that your WW did this to you despite your willingness to reconcile.

I'm very sorry that your WW doesn't see that you were giving her the gift of reconciliation.

Your WW definitely is not reconciliation material.

Good thing that you are divorcing her.

I'm sorry that it had to come down to divorce.

I am so sorry you have had to endure repeating trauma with this woman. Just curious, is she the victim of childhood sexual abuse? I think you are doing the right thing in leaving and building a new life for yourself. Although it will have some ups and downs, I do believe you will be a happier healthier soul for it. I have read your posts and find you to be an articulate, thoughtful and compassionate person and I am sure there are many women out there who would jump at the chance to be with someone like you and treat you right. Hang in there and know my thoughts are with you.

So sorry you're dealing with this. I asked XWH to read How to Help Your Spouse Heal, but he never read Not Just Friends. I can see why that would get under your skin.

FWIW, 1 in 4 females are victims of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), so not sure how that played into things as suggested. I'm a CSA survivor and didn't cheat.

I’m sorry for you.

But at least if someone asks why you ended up D you can say with a straight face "I asked my wife to read a book".

I’m sorry you were married to someone who could say something like that.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 7:16 AM, Wednesday, March 1st]

I’m really sorry.

I think small things like her not reading the book and then reacting the way she did are an excellent window into her character and how little she values you.

I can see how that would be very hurtful and depressing.

Stay strong and take care of yourself.

I want to thank everyone for the kind words. It was one of those "knots in your stomach, sleep is impossible" kinda nights last night. Writing out my thoughts, and getting responses from those who share an understanding of the pain I feel, really does help ease the stress and anxiety. Words as simple as, "You are heard." They do a lot for me when I am feeling down, because I know too well what it feels like to not be heard.

I hope everyone's day has some good thing to experience, even if it's just something small to enjoy.

mafaya, yes I can relate.

Been there and done that.

One day at a time.