SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Now that I have a signed separation agreement, I am thinking about how I am going to share the news of our separation with people either not in my immediate inner circle or people more closely aligned with him. I have said since finding out about the A that I would NOT let his shame become mine. So, I've been very honest with people close to me about what has happened. I also feel like keeping his secret lets him off the hook.

So, do you talk about the affair on social media? What do you think?

FWIW, I would consider holding off until your D is final before posting everything on SM. Why take the risk on your STBEX becoming unhinged over something he may see online? It could have the potential of making the D more contentious.

I would avoid putting anything on social media. Sometomes it backfires. You might think sharing the news via social to friends and family might be good for everyone to know that it was all him and he caused it etc but when discussions start people will make their own opinions and conclusions especially if he has told them his side of the story (lies and more lies). People love gossip.

I personally hate social media. I think it causes more harm then good. I dont understand the need to post every little thing that happens in someones life.

I am a private/reserved person, and I don’t use social media very much, so I can’t see myself posting anything that personal in any case, but even for a person who is more comfortable sharing personal things on social media, I think posting about the affair is a bad idea. I don’t think it will come across as truth-telling. I think most people will see it as drama/stirring the pot. And like others have said, it could antagonize your ex and make the separation and divorce much more contentious. I would be honest with people in person, and leave it at that.

I use social média but divorcing wouldn’t be something I would share on it. I am of a generation that remembers a day before social media and I use it as a way to reach far away family (I moved country at 23) and distant relatives and to document fun moments. My connections grew with work colleagues added to my list and I don’t do much personal sharing, the closest was sharing a picture of my brother when he died over a year ago but other than that my account captures happy moments. Lately I’ve stopped sharing political posts or anything serious really as the social media is becoming a bit of a battlefield and nobody seems to respect each other’s opinions, so I really keep it light.

If I would have divorced I would have simply removed my married status on social media, block my WH and in time hide/delete pictures of us together but I would have communicated what happened and the desired level of detail only to people in real life, ie. those people that care to know not because they want a piece of fresh gossip but because they care.

I’ve had a range of reaction on infidelity from close friends and family, from asking me "what was he missing at home to cheat" to "well it’s only sex" and had to educate them at least partially on what it is, I’m sure they still don’t fully understand the devastation because I didn’t either before being a BS. The last thing I would need is a series of pity posts followed by questions on what went wrong to MAKE my WH cheat on social media from people I didn’t talk to in years.

Usually when I see posts like this on social media from my friends and acquaintances, they read like very thinly veiled messages to their exes. There's definitely some second hand embarrassment. As other responders have suggested, giving this some time to settle before a public post makes sense.

One of the many challenging things you endure post D is knowing that some folks will only ever get his version of the story bc they are closer to him. Even if you post something, some will still only believe his version. Your posting does nothing but feed the gossip mill. My rule has been to tell people the truth (very briefly) if they ask and otherwise to take the high ground, hold my head up and move along. I'm not going to lie, it wasn't always easy, but I'm really glad I went that route.

Everyone in your life who needs to know already knows. I don’t see why it’s imperative that people you haven’t seen since 1st grade be informed of your divorce.

I didn’t announce anything on social media. I deleted my marital status and took down pictures of my ex. That was pretty much it.

Thank you all for your responses.

I don't want him to be able to tell his stupid lies and stories about what happened to make himself look better. I received texts from his dad and stepmom this weekend and it was clear to me he didn't give them the full story. I'm sure he said something like, "I was unhappy, I fell out of love with BOA, I know I did wrong in having an affair but I'm trying to do the right thing now." None of which is true. He was happy enough until he had to find a way to justify his doing what he wanted to do.

However, I hear what you're all saying. My saying that on social media will likely not have the effect I intend.