SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've not been here for a long time. Thankfully I've been doing really well.

I hope everyone is doing well and progressing wherever they are on their journey.

For a bit of context.

I found out 5 years ago, husband confessed when I asked.

He still worked with AP who was evasive, insulting and would attempt to get under my skin. She would post alluding things on social media. Never answer anything directly. And constantly saw herself as the victim and hated me. When I got angry at her she claimed I was taking an eye for an eye.... yes because angry emails are the same as an affair with a married man who has children.

She called police on me claiming harrasment. She turned up at my husbands gym after he moved jobs away from her ranting about me. Deranged rantings too. And the worst part that revealed she found me here, as she referenced things I'd posted here and when I posted insecurities and worries she then posted online directly about those things tapping into the pain I already had. Making me more paranoid and insecure at an already difficult time. It was a cruel game every step of the way.

So she made my marriage unsafe(obv he did too) then she made my recovery source unsafe. She made social media unsafe. There is nowhere she doesn't feel entitled to invade as you will learn.

So long and short. She's mental. She's bitter. She's nasty. (All husbands words- thanks what a fuckwit you brought into our lives)

So I decided sept 2021 to join a coach and lost alot of weight. (Post baby) I got strong and fit and loved the experience. Encouraged by my coach I'd occasionally promote or enter the challenges and tag him, bit I'd make my post public for a short time in order to participate in the challenge etc and always within the challenge timeframe return it to private again.

This coach is based in an area where I lived. We know people in common. AP lives 50 miles away and doesn't share people in the same social circle. He has a huge following where I lived. Not where she lives. She's foreign too so unlikely to know people that far away or know that social circle.

I left the coach as I felt I'd taken enough knowledge etc. But still follow him and his team online. He still posts alot of content where I'm in pictures etc. And all my progress and posts by him are still on his page. He even gave a talk at my uni/professional building. I still have good friends in his programme and know a psychologist who works with him as well. So my links are strong.

Well suddenly he posts a screen shot of client calls or messages and who's name and face pops up.

Yes AP.

Thing is he's really expanded and made it very much a "mum service and focus" as far as im aware shes still a single loser with no kids, he's also increased his price hugely. Its several hundreds of pounds per month and minimum subscription period. I was one of the originals so was on a very reduced rate in comparison. But this price and target of audience are far removed from her.

They have monthly meet ups and zoom calls weekly.

Now I absolutely do not believe she learned of this coach except from watching me. I just don't believe it would be on her radar. So 5 years later this fucking mentalist is still watching with fake accounts and still feels entitled to enter my space. What did she want? To out do me? To see me in person? To ruin something that was for me? To surprise me? Who knows?

Well the laugh is on her. I'd left so she couldn't get whatever she wanted. We aren't in competition because she will never be near my level. Her pathetic life 5 years on is exact proof of that.

She can't make me uncomfortable I'd already left and I've told the coaches who she is. They all know. They removed any personal content. Still have a few friends in the grouo. So when she shares she feels 'amazing' in a party dress, they are rolling their eyes. The psychologist said she feels uncomfortable knowing someone like that is in the group. But I said well let her use the service. Maybe she's genuine. (I'm sure she's not) she doesn't seem to engage much with the group or encourage others. Just self involved as usual. It's always about her and its always superficial about how she looks. Its all she has.

And she's paying a fortune for the experience 🤣

The idiot is still in the same job. Doing the same shit 5 years on. Only older in her thirties and achieving nothing. She got a work nomination for being good at filling a vending machine and filming herself to instruct others how to do it... I mean if someone gave me a video instruction of such a menial task I'd probably smack them. Again just self importance. No body can fill a vending machine like her 🤣

She seems to have no network or life and well unless vending machines is big bucks her job is useless and fairly worthless

In comparison I'm a medical professional. I've progressed in my profession I've entered the private sector which is much higher skill set and money. I've expanded my skills and now offer wider range of treatments etc. I'm enjoy my work.

I've had a 2nd child. And my 2 children are wonderful, funny, clever kind. So affectionate. They are my world.

I've managed to salvage a marriage. But one where I'm protected financially. There is no dispute my husband knows he's lucky to still have a foot in the door. Especially after specific events where he's betrayed my trust with phone calls or just made me see how selfish and destructive he is. Infact last weekend I told him I just don't love him like he does me. He said he knew. And he will just keep trying to win it back. He knows why and agrees it's a reasonable response of mine.

I literally have the ball in my court. And he's still trying 5 years on. Even when I'm not at times. I'm not sure he will ever win me back fully. But I'm settled and happy and have a happy stable home for my children and that in itself is a huge achievement with everything else.

And she's too busy looking at me she can't progress her life in any meaningful way. Whilst she really is insignificant and I don't give her any time anymore. Until this very deliberate invasion by her.

She used to read here. So I hope she reads I think she stands like a man in her progress pics and thanks for sharing them as it totally dispelled the image of perfection I had in my head 🤣

Moral of the story. If she will cheat with a married man for a year and a half she's probably a special head case. And 5 years on trying to get into my head and life proves that. Crazy doesn't seem to get old for her.

K you will never ruin my life or be important. You're an insignificant weird crazy nasty pos and we and others laugh at your expense regularly.

Thanks for the laughs 🤣

[This message edited by Tentwinkletoes at 11:09 AM, Saturday, February 11th]

For some reason, APs want to be just like the BS.

My WH AP saw a photo of me, and months later, when I was stalking her fb page early on, she was wearing the EXACT outfit I was wearing in that photo. You cannot make this sh*t up.

Glad you are back on track with your life, apparently your WH AP hasn't really moved forward in her own life.

It's an odd one isn't it!

Come to think of it. She copied the same style or pose of profile pictures I had at the time. I felt like it was again trying to outdo me. But perhaps there's an element of just copying.

Its utterly sad and pathetic isn't it? 🙄

Hey there Tentwinkletoes...it's GOOD to see you back on here!!!

Infact last weekend I told him I just don't love him like he does me. He said he knew. And he will just keep trying to win it back. He knows why and agrees it's a reasonable response of mine.

My H said something similar right after Dday. He told me it didn't matter that I didn't love him anymore...as long as I let him stay in MY life. Isn't that the kicker? They HAD us in their life...and somehow took that for granted...until they lost that security. Once my H realized I was leaving him...it was then ALL that mattered...that he be ALLOWED to stay.

The adultery co-conspirators could have been anyone...because an A is NEVER because of the attraction for the adultery co-conspirator. It is ALL about the Wayward. They find someone who is weak enough to fall for their LIES...never realizing that they have been LIED to as well. Affairs make NO sense!!!

When reality hits...and the Wayward realizes what they LOST...then they realize how PRECIOUS their Betrayed truly is. For my 1st H...it was too late for him when he came to that reality. My 2nd H...like your husband...truly worked on himself because he realized that the BEST part of his life was having ME in it.

You seem to truly be doing WELL...despite what the adultery co-conspirator has thrown at you...GOOD for you!!! WOW...and she is STILL single...and childless?? STILL trying to imitate you??? What a WASTE. YOU...Dear Lady...on the other hand...have moved FORWARD...thriving despite all of this...AMAZING!!!

It seems like your husband truly knows the TREASURE you ARE!!! I am positive that in time you will start feeling fully IN LOVE with him again. But taking your time...working on yourself and your awesome family...is definitely leading you to a place of PEACE. Here's to a WONDERFUL future for you AND your loving and now faithful husband!!!

It’s giving, "why are you so obsessed with me?" 😉

It seems like she’s more fixated on you than she is or ever was on your husband. It’s almost like you and your life were the objects of her desire; he just happened to be one accessory to it.

If I were your husband, I would be feeling really depressed about the fact that I permanently ruined my relationship with the love of my life to be this sad idiot’s Ken doll. I wonder if he’s even cognitive of this.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 11:33 PM, Saturday, February 11th]

I doubt he is bluer than blue.

That's probably a massive snag point for me is he still doesn't understand the irony of looking for more love and admiration to replace the genuine gift he had, with something so fake and self-serving. On a basic superficial level he gets it. But no on a deeper level he doesn't. I don't think anyway.

Nor would either of their egos ever allow them to realise they used each other they both lied they both cheated they both lived in a bubble but self preserved... more often than not I think they deserve each other than he deserves me.

But credit where its due he realised he confessed and albeit he's made progress. Not linear.. he's aware of his shortcomings and issues and weaknesses and challenges the way he sees things. He claims to realise beyond his ego. I don't believe him. But he does alot of the work. But for me probably not enough. And all he ever wants or needs is what he had. And he sold it down the river for glitter rolled shit.

More a fool him.

[This message edited by Tentwinkletoes at 9:56 AM, Sunday, February 12th]

Thank you want to be happy. Lovely to hear from you! How are things going with you?

Yes they are going well. I think I'm beyond caring what happens now - like I have a plan B and I have boundaries. Even things a year or so ago I stayed through i wouldn't accept now. I realise how far things push me. He realises. He knows effectively any of that bs ends the marriage. No debate. It might already be too much- also accepted on his part, at any time I reserve the right to say nope limit reached prior to this point and he accepts its his fault.

So for me its having the freedom and security and the choice all rolled into one if it works great if it doesn't great I can see the positives in any outcome

Also he has more to lose. I already lost it. My true love died a long time ago and now I have needs and plans. He still has his love he can reaches out but she's doesn't reciprocate unconditionally. Thats his consequences

That's tragic but it his own doing.

I'm however good. I'm not fawning over something that was never there or no longer there. Letting go of my ideation of true love probably was the biggest step in my healing. Its a little sad. But you can't unsee it once you've been through it. So many flaws with unconditional love. Sometimes I wish I still was naieve. But I'm not. So I accept it.

[This message edited by Tentwinkletoes at 9:55 AM, Sunday, February 12th]

Emergent somehow that idea makes me feel dirty. I want to be as far removed from this idiot as possible 🤣

Hey there Twinkle!

Is there nothing more pathetic than an AP who just won't quit? Pa-The-Tic!

And so very common. Some of these APs [and in my case WH's LTAP] will stop at nothing to duplicate the spouse's life. We had to have a Cease & Desist sent for just that reason. Then, I not only contacted OBS about it [when I discovered it], but sent him (and the attorney) a detailed spreadsheet of what we [WH and I] did and how LTAP tried to duplicate/one-up it. I did this for the entire 2 year span. What an eye opener.

I also realized that what at one time would have made me sob buckets, no longer did. Because I saw it for the pathetic desperate game that it was. And one LTAP spent a lot of time, effort, energy and money to do. And still was just the LTAP way back in the rear view mirror.

Hi Chaos hope you're doing well

Yes it is pathetic. I'm sorry after so long this AP feels entitled to insert herself in your life. Typical selfish entitlement.

I haven't seen or heard from her in years which is why it's unnerving. It's so unnecessary. You know this coaching group meet up in person once a month and video zoom call weekly. As blocked on social media we wouldn't see each other in the support social media groups. But 100% would come face to face on zoom or meet up. I left August. She joined Oct I think. So the cross over was close. I'd been there over a year plenty of my content and references of me were there publicly. I was one of the originals. I'd never know she was until they shared something including her. Which they did eventually.

Why after so long do it. I just don't get the mentality and I find it creepy she would've got a kick out of seeing me unprepared at a meet or a zoom. Like I say this guy is based in a totally different city. Whilst he has a wider reach his base is very much there. I was going to rejoin this year for a booster if required but I won't now as again I have no idea if she's there and she could return at any point too. I've chosen not to be updated on her. And now she's tainted it I'd rather distance myself as much as possible. I don't need that in my life.

Thank you want to be happy. Lovely to hear from you! How are things going with you?

I'm sorry it took so long for me to respond...I've been out of town for a bit! Things are going very nicely for me...thanks for asking!

I'm however good. I'm not fawning over something that was never there or no longer there. Letting go of my ideation of true love probably was the biggest step in my healing. Its a little sad. But you can't unsee it once you've been through it. So many flaws with unconditional love. Sometimes I wish I still was naieve. But I'm not. So I accept it.

This made me a little sad to see...but you wrote that this was the biggest step to YOUR healing...and that is what counts Dear Lady!!

For ME...I wanted the fairytale...like Julia Roberts said in "Pretty Woman". My H held me after I started crying at the end of Rodgers and Hammerstein's "Cinderella"(the 1965 version)...and said he was sorry for ruining my "happily ever after". He then looked me in the eye and said he was going to make it his life's mission to bring me my "happily ever after". YEAH RIGHT!!! You CAN'T bring that back!!!

But you know what Tentwinkletoes? EVERY fairytale has something traumatic that happens during the story. However...it always ends with living "happily ever after"...lol!! My fairytale prince became this ugly...wart infested...TOAD for a bit. Honestly...I knew he was a bit of a toad from the start...but I accepted his "warts" and loved him anyway. Once he became the H I always dreamed of though...I figured why not go for the fairytale?! I survived infidelity. I could survive anything else he threw at me. But...what if...I could THRIVE despite it??? Besides...I can't ACCEPT the unacceptable...his A...but I can ADAPT to my new environment!!

Am I a fool for still believing in fairytales? Probably. Most definitely according to a lot of people on here...LOL!! But here I am...LIVING my fairytale...and ENJOYING my "happily ever after" with the LOVE of my life!!