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Newest Member: Crushedafter46years

New Beginnings :
Holiday Plans

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 Solarchick (original poster member #80222) posted at 2:33 PM on Wednesday, November 23rd, 2022

Something just occurred to me.

Mr. TNS and I both automatically assumed that we'd be spending Thanksgiving together.

In all previous relationships, it's been a delicate dance around what each of us is doing for the holiday, and if we'll spend it together.

There is absolutely no question that we'd spend our holiday together. There's no question in either of our minds that the other is our #1. All of our boys (There are six of them. Six!) are grown and have lives/families of their own.

Also, of course I will be with my mom on Thanksgiving, just like of course I will be with Mr. TNS. He's family. New family, but definitely family.

They say when you know, you'll know. I never got that before. Because I never knew before. I wondered exactly HOW you knew when you knew. Ohhhhh, now I get it! Before, I was always like, "Well, I guess I know. I mean, I'm pretty sure..."

I've never had a relationship like this one.

Me: BW, 56, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.WXH: Not even a blip on my radar anymore. I'm glad he's messing up the OW's life now and leaving me alone. D (with cause) in 2004.

posts: 113   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8766435
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Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 3:28 PM on Wednesday, November 23rd, 2022

Ohhhh, that is so amazing. I like how you phrased your former uncertainty in relationships, back when you didn't have that gut knowledge.

Here's a thought: as adults who started new relationships in mid-life, we were all in uncharted territory to begin with. Therefor it would have seemed natural to accept some uncertainty in our holiday plans, since everything else in our lives was similarly loose and subject to sudden change, right? Plus, we didn't want to be presuming too much that wasn't ready for us. Looking back, it's easier to blame ourselves for not having identified that sense of hesitation as being a mark of a tenuous relationship. It's only once we "see" or experience a more steady presence in our life that we can say what you just did. Prior to that, the relationship(s) we fell into were ALL we knew or expected about our social life after D, right?

(I started a turkey day survey post in OT about something similar: the degree of uncertainty around holiday planning that plagues some of us, but not others...)

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

posts: 1549   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Washington D C area
id 8766455
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