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Newest Member: Crushedafter46years

Divorce/Separation :
My son

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 Sally24 (original poster new member #70794) posted at 4:28 PM on Thursday, November 3rd, 2022

I think my son is on drugs and I think his dad is giving them to him.

I'm really scared.

My son is 15. His dad and I share 50/50 custody of him and his twin sister since August 2021 when we separated.

I need help on how to deal with this.

I think if I hadn't left, this wouldn't have happened, I could have protected my son. His dad still acts much like a teenager himself and I'm sure he sees himself as a cool dad.

Never let your fear decide your fate

posts: 36   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2019
id 8763419
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ChamomileTea ( Guide #53574) posted at 6:04 PM on Thursday, November 3rd, 2022

That's terrible. I think getting legal advice would be a good place to start, but the thing that freaks me out the most is that this fentanyl epidemic. You can probably get some Narcan from your local pharmacy to keep on hand.

BW: 2004(online EAs), 2014 (multiple PAs)Married 38 years; in R with fWH for 7

No one can make you into a liar but you.

posts: 6169   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016   ·   location: U.S.
id 8763434
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 Sally24 (original poster new member #70794) posted at 6:41 PM on Friday, November 4th, 2022

Thank you, ChamomileTea.

I will reach out to my divorce lawyer, see what she says.

Never let your fear decide your fate

posts: 36   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2019
id 8763670
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ChamomileTea ( Guide #53574) posted at 3:44 PM on Saturday, November 5th, 2022

I hope you post back and let us know what your attorney recommends. Your situation has been on my mind a lot. I just can't imagine having to deal with the possibility of such a reckless disregard for my child's well being, and from his other parent no less.

BW: 2004(online EAs), 2014 (multiple PAs)Married 38 years; in R with fWH for 7

No one can make you into a liar but you.

posts: 6169   ·   registered: Jun. 8th, 2016   ·   location: U.S.
id 8763799
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 8:28 PM on Saturday, November 5th, 2022

Get everyone involved that you can.

Social workers and attorney and court. Get your son into a program to get off the drugs.

Report your H to the police if necessary and you have proof.

My son had a friend in HS who was in the sane situation but the parents were not D. They lived together but the dad supplied the weed and booze and who knows what else. The young adult is now a mess and needs rehab yet again and probably will for the rest of their life. Cannot hold a job. Cannot go to school or learn a skill.

Crossing my fingers for you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12794   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8763832
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BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 12:38 PM on Monday, November 7th, 2022

There are drug testing kits you can buy from the drug store. You can get them and immediately test your son if you suspect he’s high or when he gets back from a visit with his father.

BW, age 40
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried to a great guy

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 953   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8764056
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 Sally24 (original poster new member #70794) posted at 3:49 PM on Monday, November 7th, 2022

I don't have any proof that he's on drugs, just my gut.

I will look into getting a drug test. He's with me right now until Thanksgiving, thankfully.

I still have to see if I can get a lawyer's opinion, but I'm concerned about what would really happen, in reality, if I report his father. If I got any authorities involved, it would have to be something that sticks. Anything else would just make him dig in his heels hide it all better. Plus, my kids have been traumatized enough. If I start throwing accusations, no good can come of that. Other than this, he looks like a decent father.

Never let your fear decide your fate

posts: 36   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2019
id 8764087
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 5:31 PM on Monday, November 7th, 2022

Have you voiced your concerns about your son’s possible drug-use to his father?
He would have to be a totally inapt dad to be supplying a 15 year old with drugs, but a relatively typical dad by not noticing son’s drug use or behavior.

The way I see it – but definitely confirm with attorney: If you have reason to suspect your son is using drugs it could be negative for you to not share those concerns with his dad.
At the same time – if his dad is his dealer and son is using drugs there will be a slip-up no matter how careful they both try to be.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 11141   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8764110
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 Sally24 (original poster new member #70794) posted at 5:48 PM on Monday, November 7th, 2022

Part of me really does want to talk to his dad about it - he *should* be concerned about his son. It's logical to me.

But on the other hand, I just don't trust him.

Never let your fear decide your fate

posts: 36   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2019
id 8764115
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 Sally24 (original poster new member #70794) posted at 2:18 PM on Monday, November 14th, 2022

I put on my big girl pants and I talked to them both.

I've been talking to my son and will continue to do so. I know I've neglected him after dday and wasn't building the open communication with him that I should have been, but he's worth it and I'm doing my best to make up for lost time. And I told him that.

I had a talk with his dad as well. That went about as expected. He said he hasn't shared any with son and he hasn't done any himself since last spring. He said he'd keep an eye on son.

For now, I feel a bit better about the situation, but there is that little voice in the back of my head that wonders if they are now just going to hide it better.

I will just continue to pay attention and if there's any evidence to be had I'll talk to an attorney.

Thank you

Never let your fear decide your fate

posts: 36   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2019
id 8765093
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 2:56 PM on Monday, November 14th, 2022

That must have been difficult, but what a great thing you did. And please remember you did the best you could after DDAY, and like you told your son, you are being open and honest about that and making up for it.

You are a caring, loving mom. It shows.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 5103   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8765097
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