SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So last night my aunt passed away after a battle with cancer. We knew this was coming, and last week I mentioned to my ex if the passing happened when it was supposed to be my weekend with our daughter I would see if he could watch her so I could attend funeral services alone. He then said well what if he wanted to go and pay his respects? I told him I'd want to go alone, and not go with him in any sort of "family" way. We didn't discuss further but also unsure if he took my answer firmly.

Now, the funeral services are this weekend and it is his weekend with our daughter so seemingly no change in plans needed. However, my debate is do I tell him she passed away and risk him trying to go to the services and somehow make this about him? Or do I just not say anything, and deal with it when he most likely sees something on Facebook?

I just want to grieve with my family without him making this somehow about him but then I'll deal with the backlash later of his anger.

Tell him NOTHING! If he asks later, GASLIGHT the he'll outta him. "I told you. Remember? You must have forgotten. "

Seriously, if you tell him, you will definitely regret it. He will 100% start needless drama.

By the way, I'm sorry about your aunt.

Thank you I need to remind myself to advocate for myself. This has nothing to do with him, and I definitely do NOT want him twisting this to be somehow about him.

Your aunt, your family. Tell him nothing, honestly, not even his business.

The only question, and I put it out there as a question for you to consider, "Do you need or want your daughter with her family at a time like this?" Clearly depends on a number of factors, but it is something that it is important to consider here, which may mean you have to involve him.

My daughter is 5 and I did not want to bring her to the services so no involvement needed from him related to that.

I wouldn't bother. It's your aunt, your family, and no longer any of his business.

My WH is the same. Making the situation about him and his "pain, loss" siphoning energy to make himself feel important. Please keep your grief private and focused on the loss your family has suffered. Protect yourself.

Update:

WH found out about her passing on Facebook, but thought I didn't know yet haha.

Yesterday I got a big paragraph text about how he's bothered because he can't go 'pay his respects'. I respond back I already told him I wanted to go alone, and please respect what I requested. He responded with another large paragraph about he's upset he can't pay his respects lol, but I did not respond.

Overall, it takes some pressure off me that he knows and we can move beyond this weekend where I don't need to have anxiety in the future that I need to address this. Just hoping he doesn't try and pull any funny business this weekend.

He responded with another large paragraph about he's upset he can't pay his respects lol, but I did not respond.

What is his definition of the word 'respect'? I think that it differs greatly from how we define it.

Totally agree. I didn't want to be combative but I truly wanted to write "if she knew what you'd done to me she wouldn't want you there!"

He wrote "she always showed me love"...I'm like yeaaa cause she thought you were a decent guy not a lying cheating pig!