Hello all - coming here as I can't really talk to anyone in person about this, and haven't got myself a therapist yet. Hoping someone here has experienced the same or has some sound advice. Disclaimer in advance - sex details.
I've been with my husband for 12 years (just over 10 married). In the beginning, we were pretty adventurous sex-wise. We had sex frequently, experimented in public places. Frequent blowjobs, various positions, etc. He is/was very into filming our sexual encounters and I went along with it. It never really thrilled me, but I was willing to try it out, and I knew he liked it. At the time, it was fun. The relationship was newer, we had no kids, I was open to experimenting and trying new things... and it worked.
But fast forward over the years and I'm just not into doing the same things now. I'm older, the relationship is older - and having done the experimenting phase, I know what I like and don't like. Maybe it's more confidence or self-advocacy that comes with age, but I'm less willing to do things just to please him, or because he wants to.
This has become a real problem in our relationship. From his point of view, he says I've changed and I don't do any of the things I used to. He has told me he's unhappy with our sex life. A lot of the things he enjoys or has asked to do, I find uncomfortable, demeaning/degrading, or just not pleasurable for me. I don't really feel like going out of my way or getting uncomfortable for his benefit. I have, within the last 6 months or so, tried to put an effort into giving him what he wants - filmed encounters, facials, sending naked pictures/videos, but TBH I just don't enjoy it. And I don't know that it's something I want to continue doing. We have 3 children together, and established a life together, but I know this issue is eating away at things under the surface and will blow up if we cant find a way to deal with it.
So, I guess my question is just... what would you do? Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation? Needing some advice.
Me - 33, BS
Him - 44, WS
1 PA for 3 months (2013), multiple EA's (texting, pictures, calls, $$$ phone bills)
Dday - Nov 8th 2013
3 DD's - DOB 2012/2014/2019