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Newest Member: Goku06

Divorce/Separation :
I said I’d stay. Try work things out, but I’m struggling. Can’t forgive


 Missy1969 (original poster new member #80926) posted at 10:22 PM on Friday, September 16th, 2022

Does the pain ever go away, I’m struggling every day. I think about it at least 30 times or more a day. The complete betrayal
I met him 27 years ago today. Married 19 years next week, found out in June he’d been seeing a 28 year old for two years. I thought they were just friends as he’s 54! She is the size of a house and he’s into his fitness. Never did I think. I feel so stupid. Totally blind to it. He has is it wasn’t love he just felt flattered when sh differed friends with benefits during covid lockdown in 2020
I’m just not sure I want to try, if I’m honest
Hand in heart if it wasn’t for cost of living crisis in UK and financial issues of being single I’d be off. Out the door
I just want to get my youngest through college till may 2023 too.
Any advice on his to cope please x x

posts: 1   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2022   ·   location: North Warwickshire, UK
id 8755657

leafields ( member #63517) posted at 10:52 PM on Saturday, September 17th, 2022

Sorry that you're here. In the Just Found Out (JFO) forum, there are some pinned posts that may help, and the Healing Library has some great information.

IC (individual counseling) is suggested to help you work through the trauma. If you need medication for anxiety, depression, sleep, be sure to go to your doctor. Also, you may want to get tested for STDs.

It is going to take time to deal with all the pain.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 1319   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8755776

VezfromTaz ( new member #80815) posted at 11:33 PM on Saturday, September 17th, 2022

Seek as much information as possible about what separation would really look like ~ what social security benefits would you be entitled to, what would a property settlement look like, should you decide to leave. In that respect dont rely on your partner for that information. Other than the betrayal, the possibility of not having a roof over your head (or at least resources to maintain a decent standard of living) makes it difficult to think clearly enough to make a decision either way.

All the best.

posts: 34   ·   registered: Sep. 1st, 2022
id 8755778

HalfTime2017 ( member #64366) posted at 1:58 AM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2022

Missy you don't have a long time to go. If you're seeking refuge and financial assistance from your WH, you have less than a year. I'm not sure how it works in the UK, but here in the states, it can take at least a year just to get to your case. My case took over a year, so even if you started the process it won't be done by next May.

Best thing for you to do is to contact an attorney or whatever they're called in the UK and ask them about your rights and timing. You will be given great advice on how to prepare and protect yourself over the next 9 months, and maybe they will tell you that you can file after the new year. In my state, even if everything is agreed upon and there was no wait for the court, divorces have to have a 6 month period. So best you start talking to some attorneys who can give you good advice on your next steps.

I really regret not divorcing earlier, but in your case, I think 9 months might be worth the wait to get your ducks in a row.

posts: 1362   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2018   ·   location: Cali
id 8756282

barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 5:59 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2022

There is nothing wrong with not forgiving him for this, although I do recommend that you try to get there someday.

He has crossed a line that should not be crossed. It's totally okay for you to leave him right now. It's also totally okay for you to try and to reconcile. It's up to you.

As others have said, there are some good resources in "The Healing Library" at the top of every page.

Me: BH, age 48Her: WS, age 45 (multiple EAs and PAs)D-Day: August 30, 2016

Diagnosed with depression in December 2016, which was primarily caused by my xWW's affair and associated emotional abuse.

posts: 5307   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8756391
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