I am firstly so sorry your going through this best community here bar none. I'm going to speak to you with full honesty because you are a strong woman.
I have been married to my husband for 15 years, seemingly great guy, hard worker, good provider, took on helping me raise 2 children from a previous marriage and we had 2 more, no drugs or drinking, gambling etc.
I knew his back story, dad died when he was 4, raise by grandparents who openly watched porn with him there, mom was a drug addict, was morbidy obese as a child, grandmother was physically abusive, basically that's it in a nutshell a train wreck of a childhood.
In his teen years he lost like 200 pounds from what he said was "dieting", flash forward married 6 years I found out he had "ONE' affair, a polygraph scheduled turned into 13 OW, none which he said he paid although the proof was daming.
We reconciled (I had small children) signed a post-nuptial with infidelity clause giving me the lion's share of the financial pie.
Flash forward to last week, my husband has once again been caught cheating with multiple women again, EVEN with the post-nuptual agreement on the table.
He went to therapy after the first round of cheating was exposed, he spilled his story, the psychologist says he could be a safe partner with work.
Now here's the facts, my husband has had buliema for 25 years, he has a sex addiction and in my heart of hearts I know he was sexually abused although he will never admit it.
My point (I know FINALLY right!?!?) I felt so bad for him, his childhood, his pain that I stayed. I stayed and thought he would change, guess what he isn't going to change.
It's okay to care for him as a person but he likely will never be safe, why do this to yourself? We aren't required to stay and invest with people who are capable of endangering us with STD's just because they have suffered. We won't receive any awards for sticking with these people but we will end up hurt again.
I will say there are lots of us here who gave it a chance a one time hook up with an ex, isn't what you & I are dealing with, our others are sex addicts stemming from childhood abuse, that's not as simple as a bad error in judgement on a business trip with a lady at a bar (NOT that this is acceptable either) This is a obsessive addiction stemming from a deep rooted mental illness. There is far more success reconciling with the partner who makes a horrible choice but that is not OUR case.
We care for people that are badly damaged, we can love them but not at the expense of our health, safety and hearts. (Regardless of using protection each time-there's other diseases that can occur--and protection can break
Please look at the severity of his problem in totality and understand you can support him from a distance as a friend but that is it.
Let my story save you from being back here as I am. I thought mine could be saved if I loved him through it and he can NOT. Saving yourself now is the right choice.