SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks to the advice from everyone. It means a lot to me that each of you have taken precious time to help me at this difficult time.
I wanted to respond to each of you in turn but the reply seems to the disabled.

I think the hardest part of this whole saga is to try and think rationally when emotions are running high. One thing is clear, she has betrayed my trust, can never be relied on to be honest and is very selfish putting her needs above mine and those of her two boys (6 and 12)

As mentioned in a previous episode she used a burner phone and the application Telegram. She didn’t realise I could take the simm out, installed the telegram app and see all the history so what stops her doing this again with another phone.

This time she was more complacent and used WhatsApp. She swears nothing was physical and the guy isn’t her type at all and is prepared to get video footage from the place she stays at to prove she came back alone. I’m not quite sure how she could do this given it’s a hotel. Sounds like she just wants to try and I still some confidence in me that she didn’t go that far.

As it stands I’ve just moved into another bedroom ans explained we are separating / cohabiting until I can get my head straight as to what do to. The fact she has done this twice and I have only caught these by accident means there could have been other relationships she might have had here in the UK and Italy without me knowing. She is pretending nothing is wrong but obviously I’m reminding her constantly to give me space and allow me to process all of this ti make the right decision for the children. It seems clear for me that the marriage is not enough for her and needs to see other men.

It seems clear for me that the marriage is not enough for her and needs to see other men.

This is some clear thinking about your wife.

It takes some men a very long time to understand this, resulting in years of receiving cheating and gas lighting.

What has she been doing to help rebuild trust? Has she offered transparency on her electronics, social media and accounts? Sent a no contact email that you approved first? Offered to quit her job or transfer to a non travel position? Offered a timeline? Researched betrayal trauma and infidelity online and ordered and read books? Or is this all your problem to get over?

Have you contacted Italy boy’s wife? Do so without telling your wife. If she comes to you pissed off about it they’re still in contact. His wife may have details and evidence from his side.

How does she explain the burner phone?

How does she explain cuddling with another man? As if that was actually ok?

How does she explain that she went to great effort to meet someone clandestinely, repeatedly, then stops at cuddling and kisses on the cheek? That's an awful lot of effort for something you can do with a neighbor's dog.

Her story just does not pass the "reasonable man" standard. Not even close.

Even what she has admitted is infidelity. On top of that she's lying about what really happened though and you know it now. That lying will kill the marriage even if the infidelity has not yet. (Which you may or may not be realizing it has) If she read about it, she would find that this is true, that lying and trickle truth do double damage. Her "I'll get you video proof" statement is ridiculous but perhaps it allows you to tell her you scheduled a polygraph test and see how she reacts. Will she be confident and bold when she hears that?

Sorry to tell you. But everyone is right. Your DW has the best of both worlds. You support her.. And every few weeks a few days with her AP

They are having sex. That what adults do. Lost of sex. Does she come home and just jump in bed with you. Or putts it off for a few days.? Most cheating SO what time after sex with AP. Want to keep the memories the 48 hour rule

[This message edited by HarryD at 2:27 PM, Sunday, August 14th]