This is the hardest thing to take sometimes. Its like that "find out who your friends are" song, especially if you have friends like I did who werent all entitled cheaters. Some will tell you plainly that you disgust them (like my dad in law) and others will treat you like youre just a random guest on the jerry springer show.
Youre not alone. This part of our deal really sucks. I am in a small Catholic school community and the cat definitely got out of the bag. I guarantee you that if I (who am not a part of the country club crew) heard about so and so becoming an alcoholic and ooooooh did you hear about their coke and spending problems? who is to say that just about everyone knows.
I mean, really... judgy people judge themselves first, find themselves greatly lacking and then proceed to belittle others to build themselves back up. I mean, sheesh, I was 12 when jerry springer was popular. Back then I could feel something off about the audience and felt skeezy about myself just watching those peoples trainwreck.
There is hope though. One of Hs good friends wives (we are friends too, but our Hs are practically besties) randomly invited me out for drinks tonight. That almost never happens that I get invited out. I am watching the kids while H is out with his buddies drinking, so I couldnt go though
As for you BH sleeping with someone else... not sure what the rules and boundaries you guys set were. Its gut wrenching though, finding out another woman has been in your bed and fucking him. Definitely complicates things if you guys are considering R. I mean, he was likely not doing it to hurt you, but to discover whether there was anything about himself that was still attractive to women in general. Thats what I was thinking when I decided to get into my A. My H had compared me negatively to other women in our social group for so many years, and one of our closer friends in particular, that I figured I must have been the worst possible woman out there. So, yeah, him sleeping with another woman during your S may be him trying to find out if he has a manhood somewhere to offer a woman. Any woman. Thats just how bad this shit is.
Your sister sounds like a toxic brat. My sisters told me what I did was horrible, no mistake. However, I never heard that derogatory nasty tone coming out of their mouths at me after the affair. What they have said behind my back... who knows? And this is coming from someone whose sister was abusive!
Your parents are going through a tough time dealing with this. Someone they thought they knew, their beloved daughter, has died to them. Infidelity is a major blow to the image they cherished of you since you were a child.
As for you SIL, it may be best ti give her space, answer her questions truthfully and let her come to you when she is ready. If you do see her, apologize for what you did that caused her pain. Dont ask her to forgive you, that may sound mercenary in your apology. There may he no salvaging of the original friendship you guys had, but there is hope that you can reach a state of civil cooperation if you and your WH manage to reconcile.
Im sorry youre experiencing this. I am still living under a rock for the most part because of this too.y social circle has shrunk enormously, I ha e lost many good friends and frankly am terrified of letting anyone new in beyond acquaintance.
Just another thing we have destroyed with our As. Doesnt mean we have to remain like this, but sometimes in the first year and a half, I just wanted to crawl into a cave and never see anyone but my kids and dog again.
Wishing you a good coffee date. See if you guys can get ground rules about sexual partners- informing each other, not bringing them into the marital home, keep them out of the kids(?) Lives.
Best of luck.