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General :
Before you were caught?

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 Livingingrief (original poster member #79723) posted at 6:22 PM on Wednesday, May 11th, 2022

Wayward,

This question is for the WSs that were caught instead of confessing.
What changed immediately after being caught?
How did your thinking change after DDay?
Did your spouses feelings even matter to you before you were caught?

posts: 54   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2021
id 8734713
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 8:43 PM on Wednesday, May 11th, 2022

My H D admitted the affair to me. That was dday1.

And no my feelings were never considered. It was all about him. 100%. What he wanted. What he needed. How he felt.

Dday2 I found out the affair had continued underground and well hidden. Still selfish and all about him.

Until I told him I was D him the day after Dday2.

Suddenly he’s begging to R. I just said "no" and left the room.

Somehow we did. But I saw a side of him I never wish to see again.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 11852   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8734740
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Naamah ( member #79634) posted at 10:14 PM on Wednesday, May 11th, 2022

It was similar in here with the difference that my WH did not confess. He was caught both times (DDay 1 and DDay2 two weeks later). On the second occasion I also announced that I wanted D. He was crying, begging, confessing love despite the fact that he had confessed it seven hours earlier to OW. I was adamant, so he tried blackmailing as well. Finally he left, but didn't take the suitcase I had packed for him earlier. I didn't know what he was going to do. He returned after a few hours, told me that he had ended the relationship and removed the locks on the phone.

You could say he turned 180 degrees, but he didn't. Not immediately. It took him some time to get rid of the fog. At first he presented OW as an impeccable and wonderful person - the second Mother Teresa of Calcutta. After a few weeks he began to understand how hypocritical and manipulative OW was, but also a bad person at odds with everyone, stubborn and vengeful.

Naamah

posts: 59   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2021   ·   location: UK
id 8734750
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keptmyword ( member #35526) posted at 10:27 PM on Wednesday, May 11th, 2022

I can answer for my XWW.

What changed immediately after being caught?

My husband immediately lost any and all respect for me, immediately knew he would be divorcing me, immediately realized why I had been inexplicably treating him like shit for months before, and immediately wanted nothing to do with me.

How did your thinking change after DDay?

Not one bit as I still, years later and after divorce, have a childish need to vilify him because I don’t have the character or common decency to admit that I destroyed my family and marriage for inconceivably selfish behavior.

Did your spouses feelings even matter to you before you were caught?

Not at all. More so, my children’s feelings did not matter to me either.

[This message edited by keptmyword at 11:51 PM, Wednesday, May 11th]

It has nothing to do with you.

Filed for and proceeded with divorce.

posts: 1205   ·   registered: May. 4th, 2012
id 8734756
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WalkinOnEggshelz ( Administrator #29447) posted at 1:05 AM on Thursday, May 12th, 2022

Please ask questions directed to WS members in the I Can Relate Forum under BS Questions for WS.

Me: WS late 40’s
Him: BH (HoldingTogether)
D Day: 7/24/2010
If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.

posts: 15100   ·   registered: Aug. 27th, 2010   ·   location: Texas
id 8734784
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