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Reconciliation :
Really struggling today! 2.5 years after d day

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 Justkeepgoing26 (original poster new member #75340) posted at 1:23 PM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

Hi

I’m here on a bad day. No idea if something has triggered it. I was doing ok. It’s completely normal right?

I woke up today thinking I have made a mistake, by giving him another chance. Is this normal to have these feelings?

His prostitute- February 2019D day- January 2020Trying to reconsile

posts: 38   ·   registered: Sep. 4th, 2020   ·   location: Uk
id 8734507
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Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 2:22 PM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

It HAS been a while since you posted...I am happy to see you have been doing well smile .

I woke up today thinking I have made a mistake, by giving him another chance. Is this normal to have these feelings?

It is completely normal to have these feelings. Something triggered it...and it seems like it may be from your limbic system...or lizard brain. This is where our instinctive flight, fight, or freeze response kicks in. Our limbic system learns from our experiences...and reacts instinctively when a similar experience happens again. Sometimes we aren't even conscious of it.

Is there something...maybe even a certain scent...that you can point to as to what triggered this response? What is your GUT saying?

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 6035   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8734511
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LIYA13 ( member #62026) posted at 2:31 PM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

hiya.

Its absolutely normal and its absolutely ok to have a bad day. What youre feeling i still feel after 5 years. I thought an affair was a deal breaker for me and I will never be with someone who could do that to me.

We're humans and we have feelings. A betrayal such as the ones weve been through will no doubt get us down in life. Just let this day pass. Do things you enjoy. Go for a walk. Sit and read a book or binge watch a series youve enjoyed. Eat your favourite ice cream and spend time with people you love.

I still wonder if even after 5 years have I made the right choice of being with someone who could do that to me. All I know is that im in a better place than I was 5 years ago.

Hopefully you have a better day tomorrow.

posts: 110   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2017   ·   location: United Kingdom
id 8734514
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 5:57 PM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2022

Totally normal.

I make peace with the uncertainty and doubt by reminding myself that if I want to, I can always change my mind. For any concrete reason or no reason at all.

I then try to think about how much things have improved in R. Take stock of recent events. Remind myself I'm content and happy. I also remind myself that fWW didn't "get away" with anything. She has gone through a lot of pain. She has made recompense, and she has also grown a lot as a person.

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 1909   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8734537
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 Justkeepgoing26 (original poster new member #75340) posted at 9:24 AM on Wednesday, May 11th, 2022

Thank you all. I’m glad im not alone in these feelings.

The only thing I can think of is last week, he had a vasectomy. He is in a lot of pain (as mean as it sounds, in a way im pleased about!). We also watch afterlife- which has a prostitute in. That would make a lot of sense that it was that. He showed me phone bills and bank statements so I know nothing has happened.

Things seem to be going well otherwise, I think I keep wondering, why wouldn’t he do it again.

wWe have a new baby too. She is beautiful and just what we needed.

His prostitute- February 2019D day- January 2020Trying to reconsile

posts: 38   ·   registered: Sep. 4th, 2020   ·   location: Uk
id 8734654
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BellaLee ( member #58324) posted at 12:34 AM on Friday, May 13th, 2022

Hi @Justkeepgoing26 as stated by others, yes it is normal to have triggers and this can take time before it stops. I'm really happy for you that things are going well.
I was just wondering if you both had IC and MC when you decided on R and if you didn't, how did you both resolve what had happened.

From my own experience, I believe people are capable of change but sometimes it is necessary and beneficial to seek professional counseling to address any root issues.

I pray that the near future bring complete healing for your emotions and true lasting R for your marriage.

posts: 198   ·   registered: Apr. 18th, 2017
id 8734938
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Grieving ( member #79540) posted at 1:50 AM on Friday, May 13th, 2022

I’m really sorry. I’m only two years out and am still struggling sometimes. So I guess it’s normal. Just one day at a time. I’m trying to take This0is0Fine’s advice about making peace with uncertainty. Hang in there.

posts: 132   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8734954
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