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Newest Member: itspointless

Divorce/Separation :
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The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 8:57 AM on Thursday, May 19th, 2022

Stop letting her opinion matter.

Stop the contact EXCEPT about your child.

Period.

She’s not your friend. She’s not your wife.

She’s now just someone you used to be married to.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12157   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8735974
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 LonelyHolidays (original poster member #79775) posted at 4:59 PM on Friday, May 20th, 2022

Thank you Morningglory and The1stwife. I agree. She’s not my friend. NC is not entirely possible with our son and finances. We talk and see each other in person. It’s not healthy. She had a big party recently that I dropped my son off at her house and picked him up from. It was hard for me. I’ve only recently been going to her house she lives in with her AP. My son wasn’t answering his phone and I sat in my car inside her carport for fifteen minutes seeing people leave her party. When I see her she brought me out a waffle cone she made and gave me a sip of a craft beer she was drinking another time. She has come out to the driveway waving and smiling like all is good. She sends laughing emojis and lol texts about her dog that is at my house currently. The dumbest thing I sometimes do that probably encourages this from her is I’ve drank too much and texted her that I miss her or wish I didn’t argue about minor things when we were married. She’s comfortable in her new life and my son and I are unhappy but I don’t stand up to her. She went out of town to visit her dad yesterday and when she texted I was cordial and told her have a nice trip and to say hello to her dad. She said thanks. I guess cordial is good but I need to limit contact as much as possible. We even talked about tv shows the last time she was at my house. Some that we watched together and now she probably watches with the AP. I don’t know if he’s even considered that now. She filed for D and left me to live with him. It’s no fun but I know looking at the past is no good. My biggest hurtles are the fact that it was a long marriage and her absence is really noticeable and having to see her is not good. Pre marriage if I broke up with people I just never talked to them again. Having to have her in my life due to kids and money of course is no fun. Thanks again!

Tired of her games. BH. Married 20 years. 2 sons 16 and 20. Going through divorce since September, 2021.

posts: 92   ·   registered: Jan. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Santa Rosa
id 8736241
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 10:51 PM on Friday, May 20th, 2022

We talk and see each other in person. It’s not healthy.

You can and should put a stop to this. Email, co-parenting app for most. Direct contact with the son on drop offs and pick ups. Text when you head there with an ETA and he have him waiting for you. If need be shift to the transfer point to a neutral site. No real reason to see her much at all. We got lucky that my wife's ex lived a decent drive away. We tended to pass off at the halfway point.

posts: 1219   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8736295
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morningglory ( member #80236) posted at 7:12 PM on Saturday, May 21st, 2022

NC is not entirely possible with our son and finances. We talk and see each other in person. It’s not healthy. She had a big party recently that I dropped my son off at her house and picked him up from. It was hard for me.

I have shared custody of my son for years with my ex, who I am basically no contact with. The child exchange is legally required to occur in a specific grocery store parking lot that we agreed on. Our son walks between the cars while we stay inside the cars. There is no personal contact needed. We only exchange very brief texts or emails about our child when needed. No phone or in-person conversations. It just isn't necessary. I never go to his house anymore, and he's never been to my new home. It's a good feeling to have a life that does not include him at all. That is what you need. With a legal custody agreement, you absolutely can create it. The agreement will spell out things like visitation and financial support, so that there is no need to negotiate either with the other party. You just stick to what is legally required. No discussions or debates required. It will allow you to create a separate life.

[This message edited by morningglory at 7:14 PM, Saturday, May 21st]

posts: 375   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2022
id 8736369
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 LonelyHolidays (original poster member #79775) posted at 2:53 AM on Wednesday, May 25th, 2022

Thanks Morningglory. I appreciate it. Yes. I’m actually trying to be the bigger person and being nice but this situation sucks. I went out Saturday night to a comedy show and saw her friends there. She’s texted about our son and I told her to enjoy her trip she is just today returning from. She texts friendly things and I saw her Facebook page which I know better than to look at. Her AP hearted her photos like he always does. It annoys me that he acts like some loving guy and she buys it. NC this week. I can do it.

Tired of her games. BH. Married 20 years. 2 sons 16 and 20. Going through divorce since September, 2021.

posts: 92   ·   registered: Jan. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Santa Rosa
id 8736968
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