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Divorce/Separation :
Mediation

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 Beagle (original poster member #79560) posted at 8:15 PM on Wednesday, May 4th, 2022

Told the WW a couple weeks ago that I was done and wanted a legal separation or divorce. I transferred half our funds to a seperate account and changed my direct deposit. We are splitting the bills etc. We have an appointment with a mediator on Monday day. Things seemed to be going alright until my WW went in to my phone when I was asleep and read texts I sent to my best friend and brother saying not so nice things about her and to vent. She was furious etc and couldn’t believe I would say those things about her. I explained that she really had no right to read my messages to my friend and brother etc. she was nasty for a week and seems to be settling down. I don’t get her thinking. She lied and cheated for years with multiple people and then gets mad cause I vent to my friends. She also thinks I am cheating on her because I text with a female friend.

It’s all crazy to me. She also asked me why I didn’t tell her I was going to take my wedding ring off. I told her I didn’t feel the need to tell her just like she didn’t tell me she was having affairs etc. is this normal behavior? I am trying to remain calm , peaceful and amicable for the sake of our kids. I get the sense that she doesn’t like the consequences of her actions.

Beagle

posts: 61   ·   registered: Nov. 3rd, 2021   ·   location: United States
id 8733587
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 9:00 PM on Wednesday, May 4th, 2022

The mind of a WS is a crazy place. She is trying to stay relevant, to convince herself that she is a good person and you will be losing out when you D. Of course the opposite is true. She’s mad about the texts b/c she wants you to still have her on the pedestal and be smitten with her still. She wants the narrative to be that you were crushed and couldn’t live without her. What she got is the truth that you no longer view her that way and that you are on your way to a life without her.

And the ring- same thing. She’s trying to keep a grip on you. She wants to control the narrative. She wants her version of the story be the public one.
You get to tell who you want whatever you want. You can toss your ring in a garbage can or sell it to use it to stop that wobbly piece of furniture from wobbling. Whatever you want.

Keep being the sane one. Realize that she is trying to manipulate the story, and be ready for that when you enter mediation. Remember that you are in a business transaction there and be as neutral as you can be. (And get what is due to you and your kids - don’t let her sweet talk anything).

Yeah, consequences can be a rude awakening for WS.

Me: BS 55 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4701   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8733592
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 Beagle (original poster member #79560) posted at 9:33 PM on Wednesday, May 4th, 2022

Yeah. She has also finally started telling some the the wives of our mutual friends and I’m sure she is bad mouthing me. I am going to be sure to let the husbands know the truth etc. She only brought up marital issues once the affair came out. All of a sudden I was controlling and critical etc. I contributed to some of the issues in the marriage but she chose to blow it up.

As for mediation I am hoping everything goes well and I just want what is fair.

Beagle

posts: 61   ·   registered: Nov. 3rd, 2021   ·   location: United States
id 8733599
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Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 9:34 PM on Wednesday, May 4th, 2022

I don’t get her thinking. She lied and cheated for years with multiple people and then gets mad cause I vent to my friends. She also thinks I am cheating on her because I text with a female friend.

This is typical Wayward thinking. It's part of their script to pick apart everything their BS does and make it about them.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 33052   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 8733600
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morningglory ( member #80236) posted at 10:08 PM on Wednesday, May 4th, 2022

Yes, this is typical for narcissistic cheaters and one reason why it's best to go no contact asap. They don't react well to consequences or boundaries. Don't expect things to be able to remain pleasantly cordial. It often is barely civil. That's fine as long as it is civil. Remember, she's not your friend. You wouldn't take this treatment from a friend.

[This message edited by morningglory at 10:12 PM, Wednesday, May 4th]

posts: 173   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2022
id 8733604
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