Trdd ( member #65989) posted at 2:10 PM on Thursday, January 13th, 2022
Telling the OBS is not revenge. It's a consequence. This guy seduced your wife, destabilized your marriage and you are experiencing pain and trauma that will take a long time to get over as a result. He knew your wife was married and knew you personally. He has fully earned his consequences.
It's true that sometimes it may be better to wait to tell the OBS,for a variety of reasons to include current health issues. But it can also be a health issue. How many times has this guy cheated? Does he have an STD? Could he give one to OBS in the future? Did he use a condom with your WW? Has WW been tested?
leafields ( member #63517) posted at 5:16 PM on Thursday, January 13th, 2022
As a doctor, you will understand the term informed consent. By providing the patient with the information regarding the procedure, the patient can make an informed decision on their health by weighing the options.
By informing the OBS, you are giving the OBS information so they may weigh the options and determine their options. Witholding the information is similar to witholding the informed consent information from your patient. At this time, the OBS is functioning without the knowledge necessary to determine the status of their M.
Married 34 years, 3 DS
DDay #1: March 26, 2018, DDay #2 8/26/2019
Filed for D: 11/16/2020
D Final: 2/25/2021
MickeyBill2016 ( member #56459) posted at 9:55 PM on Thursday, January 13th, 2022
Being a swinger will change how you look at opening marriages up to including friends and neighbors. You, your wife, her BF/neighbor are all aware of the affair.
Right now the wife is in the dark about this, although she might know that her husband is a player and won't be surprised that your wife is another one of his GF. I'd bet as a player your wife is not his only GF so STD testing for your wife, you and the affair partner's wife should take place...
When I hear people saying that they don't want to tell the OBS about what is going on to shield or protect them I feel the real reason is fear of revealing the affair. Not a real concern about the the OBS reaction.
9 years married.
13 years divorced.
HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 10:20 PM on Thursday, January 13th, 2022
As a doctor, I would imagine it must disgust you to know your wife was having an affair with a man, whose wife who was battling cancer.
Surely, it must make you sick to watch your wife pretend to be friends with the OBS, knowing what you know.
A woman who would do THAT to someone she calls her friend,and want to continue to pretend to be her friend, means your wife has some very serious issues
Protecting her from the consequences will not help her.
If your son vandalised the neighbor's car, would you allow him to get away with it? Or would you make him take responsibility admit fault,and accept the consequences? Or would you cover it up for him?
[This message edited by HellFire at 10:22 PM, Thursday, January 13th]