workingthroughit137, I think you are setting yourself up for failure in the following ways:
(1) The pick-me dance is emotionally and physically exhausting; I know this from experience. It is impossible to be the best version of yourself 24/7 under the best circumstances, let alone in the wake of infidelity. When you and your wife inevitably conflict again, you pain and anger could explode in much more destructive ways than if you had taken time to yourself to process your emotions and honestly assess your relationship. But even if you successfully bury all your negative feelings and always keep your "#1 husband" face on, those unresolved emotions can also manifest as stress-related health problems. For example, I was constantly breaking out in hives in the last few years of my marriage to my ex, during which I was the Bob Fosse of pick-me dancing. The break outs stopped after we separated.
(2) By assuming all the blame for marital problems, allowing your wife to justify your behavior for her choice to have an affair, and not giving your wife any conditions for reconciliation, your wife has no impetus to put any effort into rebuilding your marriage and address her own failings, which made cheating an acceptable choice to her. In fact, you have actually rewarded your wife for cheating by becoming a more compliant husband, at least in the short term. But in the long-term, all the issues that made your marriage a roller coaster before Dday will still be there... the only difference is that you will be more resentful of her because of her cheating and she will have learned nothing from the experience of cheating except that there are no consequences for betraying you.
(3) Hastily deciding to reconcile is like putting a downpayment on a Ferrari in the hopes that it will increase your chances of winning the lotto... you are making promises to your wife and committing to a course of action based on blind faith alone. At this moment, you don't even know why your wife hasn't left you yet. Was she too cowardly to file for divorce herself and was hoping you would do it for her? Is she hedging her bets? Have her plans to run off into the sunset with AP fallen through? Is she simply embarrassed at the idea of family and friends asking why the marriage ended? Is she afraid of becoming a single mom? Will her life style or finances take a big hit from a divorce? She might tell you she is staying because she loves you, but if you don't require her to demonstrate her commitment and emotional engagement through action, you can only rely on her word... which means nothing now that you know now she is perfectly capable of lying and hiding things from you.
The 180 does not involve withdrawing your affection and attention purely for purpose of punishing her. It's about giving yourself space to breathe, permission to fully feel and manage your emotions, and gain the clarity you will need to make rational decisions that aren't motivated purely by fear or despair. If your wife is ambivalent about the marriage, you will also be giving her the opportunity to reflect upon her feelings, actions, and desires for the future without any covert pressure from you to reconcile.
If your wife interprets the 180 (as its advised on SI) as the silent treatment or an act of cruelty, then she is oblivious to the damage her actions have caused and does not have the emotional fortitude or desire to help you heal and rebuild your marriage into a safe and healthy relationship. Lastly, if she says she wants to "date" you before making a decision, she is essentially telling you that your marriage only exists on paper and that she no longer feels any spiritual or emotional commitment to you as a husband.
BW, age 40
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried to a great guy
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.