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My D'ed son lives in the city (I guess that should be 'The City' ), too, and I've visited on long Summer weekends. I think I have some idea of what you're going through.

I am writing to suggest that the awful feelings you feel are what healing may be all about. You were attached to someone who failed you. IMO, I think it's even more important that he failed himself, but you're the one who is writing.

You were attached. He failed. Now you have to detach. What kind of human being would you be if it was easy to detach?

I have virtually no doubt that it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. But gee whiz! Losing love is excruciating, especially after being betrayed. Yes, you've been wounded. Yes, you're heartbroken. It takes time and work to mend a broken heart.

The SI rule of thumb is 2-5 years to recover. That's just to get through the feelings. It doesn't include the time you need to take your next steps.

Be kind to yourself. Feel your feelings. Rage, grief, terror, shame - they all come with being betrayed. I think you're on the right track.

Of course you want to be farther along than you think you are. I think healing takes longer than every BS thinks it should....

ETA in light of Charity411's post: Time Out New York has helped us a lot when we've been in town. And can't NY or NYC residents still get into the Metropolitan Museum for free? Are there free or low cost concerts still (Back to TONY....). I'm not syaing you should get off your butt. If you are an introvert, alone time is important. I do want to wish you the best in finding your niches.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:03 PM, Sunday, May 29th]

I am so very sorry that you are going through this.

All I want to say is that 36 is young. You are young. There is so much hope and happiness out there for you.

My cheater blamed me. They all do. The lack of love, connection but the fault lies with them. And only them.

I’m 46 and trying again. I hope this makes you feel better.

Cheaters just cheat because of their own issues. It’s not a reflection on us. Hold onto that. X

NYC (I refuse to say Chump) I can completely understand your sadness and I'm so sorry for you. That sense of adventure when you have someone to go do new things with is hard to lose. But all is not lost. I have a suggestion.

I grew up in the midwest, but moved to NY and worked for a Wall Street firm near Central Park in my late 20s. I gave myself a month to find a job, and if I didn't I'd go back home. I got one. Because of the nature of working on a trading desk, we could order lunch and it would be delivered to our desk so we wouldn't have to leave. But you could if you wanted to. After about two months my co workers insisted I leave for lunch a couple of time a week so I did. I came back after that first lunch and I sounded like a complete idiot. I told them I saw Central Park, and Radio City Music Hall, and Trump Tower and the Plaza Hotel. I was so excited, and they were baffled. The reality is that we are seldom tourists in our own town, even though there are very exciting things right in front of us.

While you may not be able to go to places you typically did in the summer, you have a world of excitement right in front of you. Look up the NYC visitor's guide online and look at all the stuff you can see and do. Most of it's free. It will give you a new sense of adventure about your own city and go a long way to overcoming the disappointment.