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Newest Member: 39Robbo

Divorce/Separation :
Do It Yourself divorce... No children, have a post nup.

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 Hope2B (original poster member #40474) posted at 5:33 PM on Monday, December 27th, 2021

I'm 71 & done. D-Days were 8 years ago. We've been living under the same roof as roommates, we've done IC & MC, but really, for me, the M was over at DDay #2. It's a 40 year 'marriage' this month.

We're talking divorce & I want to move forward with that.

Has anyone done a DIY divorce?

We're in California and have a post nup & I am well aware that California is a community property state so everything was spelled out in as much detail as possible in the post nup. We have no children, but I do have property (specifically addressed in the post nup).

Does anyone know if the judge, who grants the dissolution of marriage, looks at the details in the post nup or just just looks at the divorce paperwork that we will file with the court?

I don't want the judge "judging" that WH should get more than what the post nup specified.

[This message edited by Hope2B at 5:39 PM, Monday, December 27th]

DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth/DDays: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)

posts: 807   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2013   ·   location: U.S.A. (The Middle)
id 8706153
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Buster123 ( member #65551) posted at 9:04 PM on Monday, December 27th, 2021

Consult a couple of D attorneys in your state, it will be money well spent if only for peace of mind, especially after a 40 year M.

posts: 2501   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018
id 8706171
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Blandy ( member #79252) posted at 9:40 PM on Monday, December 27th, 2021

My divorce was 20ish years ago and it was DYI. Fortunately for me it went smoothly but honestly, at the time we really had no finances or property to actually split. We both grabbed what we understood was ours except for one painting that we had an argument over.. Outside of that, it was smooth. (This was after the anger and bickering ended)

posts: 121   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2021   ·   location: TX
id 8706176
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src9043 ( member #75367) posted at 10:46 PM on Monday, December 27th, 2021

My divorce was decades ago in California. I suspect not too much has changed. If both of you are totally on board regarding the division of property and spousal support, the two of you could see one lawyer who would prepare the necessary documents. Back when I divorced, a property settlement agreement was submitted to the judge for approval. We used one attorney to prepare the documents. I suspect that the judge will want more than a postnup agreement. You can incorporate the terms in that agreement into your property settlement agreement provided both of you are still in agreement with all the terms.

Unfortunately, if your husband now balks at the settlement terms, you both may need attorneys. But I would give a little to avoid that eventuality. Lawyers aren't cheap if you go down the litigation path. Both of you should certainly want to avoid that outcome.

[This message edited by src9043 at 10:51 PM, Monday, December 27th]

posts: 500   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8706188
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Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 11:14 AM on Tuesday, December 28th, 2021

First of all: The absolutely worst advice offered on this site is legal advice. Mine included. However some of the advice can possibly offer you points to ponder on or a direction to take to get real advice. There is one poster who is an attorney and consistently offers good advice, but I think I can fairly say the advice that poster offers always contains a disclaimer due to state and country differences in law.

Does he still intend to respect the post-nup?
Was the post-nup written by an attorney?
Was it signed and notarized at the time it was created?
Was the property in your name before you married?
Was the property bought and/or maintained using inheritance or marital funds?

There are two general rules courts stick to:
Although the default is an equal distribution then a couple can decide on something else. It then becomes the courts role to ensure the person that seems to be giving away their "rights" is in full awareness and understands what’s going on. So if he’s in agreement and the division other than the post-nup isn’t lopsided…

In California a pre-nup is taken at face-value, but a post-nup needs to be proven valid.


IMHO you definitely need real legal advice. I think that if you go to court and your husband then refuses to acknowledge the validity of the post-nup you are possibly in a very bad space.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

posts: 10178   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2005
id 8706243
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 Hope2B (original poster member #40474) posted at 9:26 PM on Tuesday, December 28th, 2021

Thank you everyone for ringing in here & sharing. Your words have given me a more specific direction to pursue. Thank you again!

DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth/DDays: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)

posts: 807   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2013   ·   location: U.S.A. (The Middle)
id 8706317
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Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 2:20 PM on Wednesday, December 29th, 2021

Get a lawyer! Please! In California the procedural details matter as much as the substantive. Even if he stipulates to everything, if you "do it yourself", you're likely to mess up a procedural detail, leaving the result open to later challenge should he change his mind later.

"The wicked man flees when no one chases."

posts: 3812   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2018   ·   location: Midwest
id 8706394
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:39 AM on Friday, December 31st, 2021

I would absolutely see an attorney and get a to do listay of the land and a plan on if this then that.
Get a solid plan in place. If it starts to fall apart or not go the way you want in a fair manner than do not be afraid to call it quits and get an attorney

Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 21 &23
Married for 28 years now, was 16 at the time.
D-Day Sept 26 2008
R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 19103   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8706627
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