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Reconciliation :
Lizard brain antics

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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 4:44 PM on Wednesday, December 22nd, 2021

I had a revelation that I wanted to share...only I can't share everything so I hope this will make sense laugh !!

Hurricane Ida really did a number in our Parish...or County for the rest of you non-Louisianians smile . We are still not back to "normal"...but for the industry that my H is in...this has become a very BUSY time for him. His working hours are long...and they just keep getting longer.

Toward the end of last week...I was feeling anxious...but I didn't understand WHY look . There have been some issues these last few months with Ida of course...as well as Covid that the whole world has been having to deal with. On top of all this...I ended up having to go to the doctor a few days ago and get antibiotics for a sinus infection that popped up at the most inconvenient time rolleyes !!

With all that has been happening...my H and I have been EXHAUSTED. I mean...we are falling asleep watching TV shows we LOVE to watch...during early times in the evening...not too long after supper shocked !!! By the time we get into bed...we are asleep almost as soon as our heads hit the pillow! Our sex life has been kind of LOW on the list of things we are doing lately.

Needless to say...there have been "issues" in our day to day life right now...so I wasn't sure WHICH issue was causing the anxiety...or maybe a combination of all of them were. But...the thing is...this FEELING seemed to stem from something to do with my H's A look . I couldn't put my finger on what ANY of these issues we are dealing with had to do with his A though duh .

I was messaging with a DEAR friend on here and letting them know all this...when I typed the TIME that my H was now working. All of a sudden my stomach DROPPED look . AHA!!! I never logically put it together until I saw it written out...but my limbic system did!! The time he is now working is EXACTLY the time he was working during his A!!! Also...I was with him when he first started working in Holland...and our sex life was pretty much NIL at that point too. We talked about it then...and he told me he was in a new country...new job...new boss...new culture...and LONG hours. He assured me that he just needed a little more time to acclimate himself to everything. So I did what a loving spouse does...and sacrificed MY desires for HIS needs. Only...just EIGHT DAYS after I left Holland...he met with the adultery co-conspirator for the first time...and stayed at the sushi restaurant WELL PAST the time he EVER stayed up while I was there crying . I would have LOVED to have had even HALF of that time with him while I was there...not to mention even half the sex crying .

Even though this happened over 7 years ago...my lizard brain was experiencing something similar...and was "warning" me...in its lizard brain way laugh !! I would have never thought my H working THOSE hours would cause anxiety...but that is exactly when the anxiety started!! I let a few other friends and family members on here know...as well as my H. It amazes me just WHAT our limbic system keeps track of...things we normally don't pick up on. But I learned early on that I shouldn't just let that feeling pass...I ALWAYS trust my GUT now smile . Thankfully...what happened THEN...is not happening NOW. My anxiety is gone now and my GUT is calm again...so mystery solved grin !!

But wait...there's MORE grin !! As I was figuring this out...another issue happened rolleyes . Something that is going to cost more money and time!! My H and I discussed it...and I went online to go shopping for what we need...like I really needed to do all of this in the middle of all of the OTHER stuff I am doing around this time of year!!

My H called later in the afternoon...saying he was coming home look . I just ASSUMED he was coming home early so that we could go and look for the things we now needed to buy. I assumed incorrectly blink . Yes...even I make mistakes laugh !!! As we were heading to our destination that I had established we needed to go to from my online shopping...I brought up my revelation from earlier. I asked my H if he even had much time to think about it since I knew how busy he is right now. He told me that he sure did...and that was why he took off when he did shocked . He didn't want the time he worked here to correlate with the time he worked in Holland...because he didn't want me to be triggered by that anymore blink . I tell you...hearing him say that brought so much COMFORT to me smile . That man amazes me more and more...and I feel so BLESSED to have him as my H...warts and all grin !

Needless to say...we were again exhausted by the time we went to bed after having to go and take care of the issue that popped up during the day yesterday. But THIS time...well...we made sure to put things in the proper priority blush . From what research has shown...in order to retrain my lizard brain...I have to have POSITIVE experiences to combat the negative ones. So...we were following the science wink !!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 5815   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8705466
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 8:41 PM on Wednesday, December 22nd, 2021

That lizard brain stands on alert at the ready. The nice thing is I have learned from you to analyze the warnings. Year one a lizard alert sent me in to anger, year two I started looking at what it was telling me. I then work with my W to silence the alarm, retraining the lizard brain to not trigger on that specific thing.

We have an annoying smoke alarm by the kitchen, it goes off when dinner is about done We hit the silent button, bitch about it, and eat dinner. I won’t dare pull the battery because some night it just might save my family’s life.

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54 WW 48
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown 2 grandkids

posts: 1058   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8705509
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emergent8 ( member #58189) posted at 5:19 PM on Thursday, December 23rd, 2021

Happy for you.

Learning to trust our own brains and bodies again is so important too.

Me: BS, Him: WS. Mid-late 30s.
Together 15 years, married 6 (11 m at D-Day).
D-Day: Feb 2017 (8 m PA with married COW).
5 years (and two toddlers) into R. Happy.

posts: 744   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2017
id 8705637
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 1:22 PM on Friday, December 24th, 2021

Tanner...I LOVE that smoke alarm analogy Coozann! That's a PERFECT way to describe our lizard brain too.

I am happy to see you found out what the primary emotion was that was causing the secondary emotion of anger! Very cool Cuz!!

Since emojis don't work well when I am on my phone...I can't send any. Just KNOW that there are a whole bunch of smiling and grinning emojis I would have sent on this post!!!

emergent8...you are so RIGHT about learning to trust our brains and bodies again! I was told the whole time that my GUT was wrong...when in fact it was the ONLY thing that was correct!! I will ALWAYS trust my GUT now!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 5815   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8705766
default

Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 5:05 PM on Friday, December 24th, 2021

Yea my anger was definitely secondary because it wasn’t my first set of emotions. It took a few months for the anger to set in. It was a necessary emotion to get everything headed the right direction.

I’m just glad to be at a place that the anger is no longer helpful and triggers don’t knock me over like they did before.

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54 WW 48
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown 2 grandkids

posts: 1058   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8705889
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 Want2BHappyAgain (original poster member #45088) posted at 6:47 PM on Tuesday, December 28th, 2021

I’m just glad to be at a place that the anger is no longer helpful and triggers don’t knock me over like they did before.

Me too Coozann!! Anger was helpful to get things going...but there came a time when I needed to figure out the primary emotion that fueled the anger.

When I read that anger is a secondary emotion...brought on by a primary emotion such as resentment...guilt...etc...I started looking for what the primary emotion was. When I could focus on THAT emotion and resolve it...the anger subsided!

Lizard brain is behaving this week...and we are making WONDERFUL memories that help to combat some triggery memories of the past! Life is GOOD!!! Thank You God!!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 5815   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8706293
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