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Best way to find a long-term fwb?

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 silverhopes (original poster member #32753) posted at 4:50 AM on Thursday, November 18th, 2021

Is this even a thing people do anymore? Find someone who you would want to engage in regular physical affection with, without seeing anyone else, but without being in a relationship? Physical touch can be therapeutic. I wouldn't want to be seeing anyone else, and would hope they would be on the same page, so that there would be fewer concerns about STDs and the like. Just us two helping take care of each other's physical needs.

I'm pretty sure this is the struggle we all go through when we're single: where do we meet people? Especially during a pandemic?

I saw someone for a couple of weeks recently. He treated me well. I had been clear that he was the only person I was seeing. He didn't tell me he was seeing other people - he just sprung it on me abruptly by saying that he was entering into an exclusive relationship that he didn't see coming. I was happy for him initially, then sad that this good thing that was only just beginning was already over, then concerned and not very happy that I needed to get tested for COVID because I didn't know he was seeing other people. Had I known, I wouldn't have kissed him. I'm told that it's important to expect that people will be seeing more than one person - seems like during a pandemic, this is the sort of thing it would be good to be explicit about. So I would need to ask directly from the start.

Am I being ridiculous in wanting to find an arrangement like this?

Right now, these are thoughts and considerations. I'm not going to act on it until I've thought about it better, so to be safe, it wouldn't be for a while even if I decide to. Thought I would share my thoughts here.

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.

posts: 5258   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 8699005
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AnnieOakley ( member #13332) posted at 8:26 PM on Friday, November 19th, 2021

I discovered this summer that I could date someone "just for fun", with no intention towards the future. I’ve never done it before. We met organically at a restaurant. He was 22 years younger. I asked his and told him mine as soon as he asked me out. He didn’t care.

We talked a few times before I agreed to go out w him. I calmly and casually asked his expectations first of sexual partners…then pandemic or not I expect a clean STD panel and monogamy if I’m intimate with someone. Including condoms of course. He was fine and completely agreed.

We only saw each other for about 3 months and I continued to keep my dating profile open if someone came along. They didn’t. Our schedules got in the way and we ended it with no hard feelings. I can’t imagine trying that w OLD. From the various stories that I’ve read here, it seems to have a better rate of success with an acquaintance, friend, etc.

There are of course OLD profiles looking for casual…but they are likely not going to me monogamous…I would think.

Me= BSHim=xWH (did the work & became the man I always thought he was, but it was too late)M=23+,T=27+dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced."If you are going through hell, keep going."

posts: 1691   ·   registered: Jan. 18th, 2007   ·   location: Pacific Time Zone
id 8699366
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 silverhopes (original poster member #32753) posted at 6:25 PM on Sunday, November 21st, 2021

Thank you Annie! That's really good that he was on the same page as you, and that you wanted to be sexually monogamous and it was received as reasonable and understandable! I feel the same as you - that doing this with a friend or an acquaintance would go better than meeting someone online.

I've told a couple of friends what happened. One outright scoffed at me that I'd expected him to tell me if he was seeing other people and that I was upset he potentially put me at risk for Covid. I've been told that "everyone" is dating multiple people. When I talk about safety from STDs and how I feel like being honest from the start about seeing multiple people is important, I get told that maybe I'm "not ready" to be dating.

Maybe the real question for me would be - how do adults make friends in this day and age during the pandemic? I would guess we meet people we share common interests with... Maybe I just need to get out more.

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.

posts: 5258   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 8699535
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countrydirt ( member #55758) posted at 6:25 PM on Monday, November 22nd, 2021

I've made friends with a social bike ride group over the past two years. In one case a friendship turned into a FWB situation, but it soon turned into a relationship that ultimately ended because of different schedules.

The lady I am currently dating also is someone I met in the bike group and we started riding together and then hanging around with the crew after the ride and enjoying meals together and later started hiking and exploring together.

I was not friends with anyone in this crew while I was still married. Beyond work colleagues, my current friends were all made during the pandemic and all via outdoor activities. Bicycling, hiking, kayaking, skiing. Hell, I even have a new doctor that I met while fishing. My son is working for and with a couple of folks from the biking group.

Friends are funny. You find someone you get along with and just start doing things with them. I'm fortunate that I live in an area with an excellent climate and a pretty active outdoor culture.

3 adult sons
Married 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021

posts: 329   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8699656
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