Newest Member: AcesEights

Wayward Side :
Disheartened and down

sad1

 remorsefulhubby2 (original poster new member #46329) posted at 1:58 PM on Friday, November 5th, 2021

I know it has been quite some time since I have posted on here myself, but I thought with everything that's has happened to me this past year it might be good to reach out for some advice and support. After my last marriage failed due to my own stupidity and infidelities I changed my ways and get remarried to the woman I thought I could spend the rest of my life with who also has kids of her own. We were good up until am old boyfriend of hers showed up in her life unexpectedly back in march of this year. I never know about him and when I found out about him I got angry not going to lie. I have been honest with her the whole time we have been together and only asked her to so the same with me. She knew about my past and what I had done to and with my ex w and had accepted me for me and tall my faults. I know about her past for the most part aside from this guy but when he showed up and she looked at him the way she had looked at me when we got together I lost it and left the area for a week to try and get my head back where I needed it for my kids. When i got back after being gone for a week with my side of the family they were still together but it was better on my end, because they were starting to have issues between them. Not getting into that it this point but I pointed out a pattern to her about him that it took her long enough to see on here own. He kept coming in and out of her life when it was convenient for him. She saw this end we decided to work things out.
During the time were working things out she said she wanted friends with benefits with me. I agreed at first and got a girlfriend myself who I was sort of happy with were together for about a month and she decided she wanted to be just friends with me. I agreed with her and went back to trying to work on myself some more and tried to fix my marriage. My w had gotten a new bf and while they were together I could not do the friends with benefits with her and wanted only her and nobody else but her. Well he got into a wreck on his motorcycle and was in the hospital for a while and after his release from there she went with her kids to help him with his recovery for a week. During this time he got overwhelmed with her kids and broke up with her. We got back together and for the past few months I thought we were good. It turns out that I was wrong I changed and did what she wanted me to and changed my ways and approaches with her kids on discipline. I quit yelling and started to talk only took fun when it was needed from the kids. Well long story short we are filling for the big D because she has fallen out of love with me and did not want to change herself for me and lied about not being in love with her bf that got in the wreck and never stopped talking with him when she told me she was done with him. Well they are back together and after his wreck it was concerned about him and wanted to be friends. He just left the house my stbex and i live in right now with our roommates to go back home. He and if are good it hold no ill will towards him but am disheartened and sad that it ended this way. I am going to be getting myself put of this house I am in due to the amount of people we live with and into my own place as soon as the divorce is finalized until than just living day to day and working on myself to be the best I can for my kids and myself.
If anyone has advice or can relate to this please share your thoughts with me and this group. It did help me get through my first divorce and if hope it will help me this time.

posts: 24   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2015   ·   location: Lost within my own mind
id 8696921
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 3:14 PM on Friday, November 5th, 2021

Gently, what the hell do you want?

You cheated, D'ed, remarried. She cheated. You cheated. She cheated. You cheated. Now she wants D.

The change I wanted from my fWW was the change from cheater to good partner. Do you think you made that change? If so, how did you let yourself cheat again?

I don't understand....

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26262   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8696981
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SI Staff ( Moderator #10) posted at 5:12 PM on Friday, November 5th, 2021

  Moving to Wayward Side

posts: 10000   ·   registered: May. 30th, 2002
id 8697049
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BraveSirRobin ( member #69242) posted at 12:10 PM on Wednesday, November 10th, 2021

You made only a few posts when you came here years ago, which makes me suspect that one of two things happened:

1. You didn't like what you were told and decided the advice the site offered wasn't applicable to you.

2. You believed the advice could be applied as a quick fix rather than through long term hard work.

I lean a bit towards option 2, based on this quote:

We got back together and for the past few months I thought we were good. It turns out that I was wrong I changed and did what she wanted me to and changed my ways and approaches with her kids on discipline. I quit yelling and started to talk only took fun when it was needed from the kids.

The changes that need to happen aren't just outward actions. They're changes in the ways that you self-reflect, analyze, and communicate. If you had absorbed anything you read here before, you would have understood that you can't walk back into a dumpster fire like you just described and put it out by not yelling anymore. You'd know that after betrayal and sex with other people and the chaos you both inflicted on your children, your marriage couldn't have "been good" for the last few months. That's truly extraordinary rugsweeping.

I'm sorry to hear that you were betrayed. No one deserves that, not even a WS, and even if your marriage was problematic, that didn't give her a license to step out. Unfortunately, we have no advice to give that doesn't require years to implement. Is that really of any interest to you?

WW/BW 50s (Me)
BH/WH 50s (TimeSpiral)

posts: 2136   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2018
id 8697836
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