SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don’t have anywhere else to post this but here. My twin 24 yr old sons have moderate autism. One is very OCD and the other has a lot of anxiety which causes him to rip things up. The second one is in a group AFC home and the other is going to be moving into a supervised apartment when this school year is finished.

I AM SO TIRED. 😫 We also have two daughters who are 28 & 30. I have parented hard for 30 years. I want a life. It’s not that I don’t live our boys I’m just so tired and emotionally spent because of them. I’m 52 & my husband is 55. When do we get to enjoy life? When do we get to have our time?

I feel so selfish for saying this😭

I feel this in my soul.

My disabled son does not have autism but many of his characteristics are very similar. I’m fairly certain he will never be able to live on his own. He’s been on a waiting list for 5 years now for services through Disabilities and Special Needs that would allow him to be in a group home or supervised apartment setting.

His younger brother could have graduated with honors. He has the potential but is lazy. He had a disastrous year last year in college (a senior military college) and is sitting out a semester on academic discharge.

And I now am the primary caregiver for both of my parents who are 81 and 82. By the time I’m not taking care of somebody I’ll be in a nursing home myself.

Please don’t beat yourself up for sharing this with us, or even for feeling it.

I wonder every day if I will ever have any life left to live, or if I will be able to live it by the time it happens.

All 3 of my adults sons live with us, and I take care of my disabled husband. I don’t even think I would mind so much that everyone is here all the time - in and out making me crazy, if they could show some promise that they can "grow up" and make a life for themselves.

And I know that if something happens to my husband before it happens to me, I will be lost without him… Even though he drives me insane, and I don’t feel close to him.

When I feel badly for saying or even thinking the kinds of things that you’ve said in your post, I just tell myself that as long as I continue to do "what’s right" for others, I have a right to feel these things for myself at some point.

Share with us when you need to.

I often laugh with my Irl friend with whom I share "most" things, that if I wrote a book, no one would read it because they would not believe that what I was writing really happened.

But your friends here, so many of us know that this kind of stuff does happen, and we know how devastating, energy sapping, and crazy making it can be.

We will be your sounding board.

We’ve got your back!

I have empathy for you. My daughter is chronically ill and was diagnosed as rapid cycle bipolar. She is engaged but they live with us. I am the calming force. It is not fun. Three years ago we were figuring out empty nest. They plan to move south, how that happens I don’t know as they don’t save.