Newest Member: Armyman9196

Reconciliation :
Physical/sexual relations after 1 year

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 Indicaflower (original poster new member #79132) posted at 7:40 PM on Monday, October 4th, 2021

We are at the 1 year mark and I feel like I need to change my physical intimacy/sexual boundaries. Every since d day, we have been very basic with physical intimacy but now I feel like my boundaries could open more. Im just not sure what they would be. I know i can't base my physical intimacy on what someone tells me but examples would be helpful. I've read stuff about physical boundaries but it doesn't help on the sexual aspect, plus it doesn't have the betrayal aspect behind it most of the time. Feel free to ask more questions if im not making sense because I'm not sure i am. laugh

posts: 2   ·   registered: Jul. 15th, 2021   ·   location: AR
id 8691581
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CaptainRogers ( member #57127) posted at 8:06 PM on Monday, October 4th, 2021

I feel like my boundaries could open more. Im just not sure what they would be.

Hey there, IF. I think the question and answer are both in these sentences. If you feel like expanding your boundaries physically with your spouse, then go right ahead and expand them.

As to how much, that is 100% up to you. You are the one who gets to decide your level of comfort. Not me. Not any other folks on SI. Not your spouse. You get to decide.

This is where the hard part comes in. You have to communicate these things. I'm sure that is a scary proposition (pun totally intended). If you want to expand your boundaries, say it. Tell your spouse what you want to try. And also tell him that,as my buddy who is an attorney says, "terms and conditions apply and may change at any time".

Bo open. Be honest. Be true to yourself.

BS: 42 on D-day
WW: 43 on D-day
Together since '89; still working on what tomorrow will bring.
D-Day v1.0: Jan '17; EA
D-day v2.0: Mar '18; no, it was physical

posts: 3037   ·   registered: Jan. 27th, 2017   ·   location: The Rockies
id 8691587
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 8:57 PM on Monday, October 4th, 2021

We can't hotlink anything here, but google "weshouldtryit".

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 1403   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8691593
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NotMyFirstRodeo ( member #75220) posted at 10:18 PM on Monday, October 4th, 2021

We are the last people to ask this with. Not because it doesn't make for an interesting read but because real intimacy means that you and he openly share your feelings on this specific topic.

Maybe put on your teenager hats and behave in an exploratory manner. This may open each of you to a deeper connection. I hope the best for you!

Stop trying to outsmart the truth and let it have its day.

posts: 229   ·   registered: Aug. 19th, 2020
id 8691609
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 Indicaflower (original poster new member #79132) posted at 2:38 PM on Tuesday, October 5th, 2021

I'm guessing I worded my question wrong. Maybe physical boundaries was wrong. More of emotional/mental boundaries for being physical?? I dont need suggestions on freaky stuff. Ive never been vanilla for this long. I got that covered. I was wondering what needed to happen before, during, after to feel "safe" and not used. Do you talk about it? Do you cuddle for a certain amount of time? No phone usage afters? Ideas like that because like I said in my OP, of course you can't tell me what to do but I can atleast get ideas of what I even want/need to feel safe.

posts: 2   ·   registered: Jul. 15th, 2021   ·   location: AR
id 8691690
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 5:27 PM on Tuesday, October 5th, 2021

What did you do intellectually and emotionally when you were learning about sex? Would the same strategies and tactics work today?

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26161   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8691725
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