Newest Member: Serenity7

Divorce/Separation :
She walked out on me

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 coldshot101 (original poster Member #56159) posted at 10:01 PM on Saturday, August 28th, 2021

She had an affair 5 years ago. I took her back. One year later I discovered she had recently got an abortion. The same dude was the father. I took her back. Two days ago she walked out on me saying that she wants out. She said that she broke the marriage and admitted it was all her fault. I’ve suspected she’s been seeing somebody for about 5 months, although I can’t prove it this time. . I feel so stupid, hurt, and lost. I have an appointment with an attorney next week. I want to get this over with as fast as possible. I’m 57 years old and I feel like my life is over…

Coldshot

posts: 69   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2016   ·   location: Ohio
id 8686025
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 10:06 PM on Saturday, August 28th, 2021

Sorry but getting a cheater like this out of your life will make it better. Why live in fear? You aren’t losing much.

[This message edited by Marz at 10:06 PM, Saturday, August 28th]

posts: 6611   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8686030
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The1stWife ( Member #58832) posted at 10:24 PM on Saturday, August 28th, 2021

Your life is not over.

You need time to realize that getting rid of her will be the best thing you can do for yourself.

You will heal. You will grow. You will bounce back over time. Healing will be slow but you will climb out of this hole.

Hang in there.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 10:27 AM, Monday, August 30th]

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 10526   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8686036
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gemini12 ( New Member #78670) posted at 11:19 PM on Saturday, August 28th, 2021

I'm sorry you are in this position but your life isn't over. Far from it. There will be rough times ahead for awhile but things will start to improve once you get rid of your cheating wife.

Recommended reading is book titled : Leave a Cheater Gain a Life. You can find it free online.

Feel free to post here anytime. Collectively most of us have been where you are and can help if you need it.

posts: 46   ·   registered: Apr. 18th, 2021
id 8686042
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fareast ( Member #61555) posted at 11:22 PM on Saturday, August 28th, 2021

Sorry you are here and going through this, but you will find a much better life with her gone. Speaking as someone the other side of 70 and enjoying it, you have a lot a good years ahead. Take time to heal. Go no contact and get the divorce done as quick as possible. Focus on you and your healing. Stay strong.

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 2794   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8686043
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 4:09 AM on Sunday, August 29th, 2021

She walked out on your marriage the moment she started the cheating. You gave her multiple chances already, she didn't cherish it. It's time to move on and focus on yourself. She's been focusing on herself, her sexual satisfaction from other men.

All the best!

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8686058
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Mancunianforlife ( Member #60258) posted at 9:04 AM on Sunday, August 29th, 2021

There's no point in crying over spilt milk. What you should have done 5, 4 years ago and all....


The current situation is you are marooned. There's no denying the truth here. At 57, there's not gonna be no new prospects for you (professional, relationship-wise). No light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing to look forward to. The prime years of your life is gone and you do not have the physical and emotional strength of someone, say in their 40s (even late). If you have children then there's grandchildren to focus on. If not, then it's a huge waste of marital life. But then again, spilt milk and all...

What you can do here is strive for a life of serenity. Embrace religion. Pray for someone that will be there to take care of you in you last days. Make peace with your anguishes and pain. Accept what happened in your life. No raging will change that now. Accept that unfairness (I have and as have million others). Men's life is unfair. We are clogs in the wheels of society and that's the truth. If there are grandchildren, spend some time with them. Tell them stories and your life's experiences with truth. That's all you have at this point, my friend. Only truth and God can deliver you from this long long wait.

And it's gonna be a long long wait...

posts: 55   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2017
id 8686073
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guvensiz ( Member #75858) posted at 9:53 AM on Sunday, August 29th, 2021

You haven't lost anything and your life isn't over. Remember, you had a life before her too.
All you have to do is not take her back if she comes and live your best life.

posts: 477   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8686076
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BearlyBreathing ( Member #55075) posted at 1:28 AM on Monday, August 30th, 2021

You have 30 more years of living. You are nowhere near the end. And anyone who says otherwise is full of shit. I’m 54 and just got my masters degree and a brand new job doing something completely new. We start from where we’re at and we build a new life. And it’s amazing. It can be really hard and we have bad days. don’t give up just keep moving forward

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTAKinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4211   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8686164
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Catwoman ( Member #1330) posted at 6:59 PM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2021

At 57, there's not gonna be no new prospects for you (professional, relationship-wise). No light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing to look forward to. The prime years of your life is gone and you do not have the physical and emotional strength of someone, say in their 40s (even late). If you have children then there's grandchildren to focus on. If not, then it's a huge waste of marital life. But then again, spilt milk and all...

I absolutely challenge this statement.

Your life isn't over. Certainly you are on the downhill slope, but that doesn't mean you aren't able to enjoy the ride.

I met my now-SO right before he turned 60. He's as energetic as they come, and we have had a wonderful time together. We enjoy doing the things we now have the freedom to do now that our children are grown and gone: antiquing, gardening, museums, etc. Being unencumbered means you can wake up on a Saturday and decide to take in the Impressionist exhibit at the local museum without having to figure out if there's enough time between soccer and band to do so.

Don't throw yourself away. Grieve and process, certainly (failure to do so will come back and bite you). A good counselor can help with much of this. Be easy on yourself and give yourself sufficient time to heal so that you can be a present and engaged companion down the line.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

posts: 32936   ·   registered: Apr. 5th, 2003   ·   location: Massachusetts
id 8687594
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