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General :
Has anyone else not opened their WS's timeline/confession?

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 redfish (original poster Member #71426) posted at 6:43 PM on Friday, August 27th, 2021

Hello SI,

I have not opened my WW's timeline/confession. Believe it's a love bomb covered in kisses and hearts. Contains nothing I don't know, She was drunk and doesn't remember, Loves me, sorry and will I forgive her.

Should I open it? Is this rug sweeping? Have any of you put the letter away and why?

For 2 years I've kept it hidden because I wait if she's R material. She has removed toxic friends, pretty much all friends. Tells me she is attentive to inappropriate conversation. We seem more attentive to each other. I feel she walks on egg shells around me and edits the happenings or frustrations of the day so not to make me feel jealous.

Full My Story is my profile.

Saw her tongue down her Karaoke parteners throat. Even with 2 months here on SI I still blew the confrontation. Told her what I knew instead of WW telling me what she knew. Told WW to leave house and write out past sexual encounters I did not know about.

She called hours later to ask what I wanted the letter to say. I explained you and I kiss each other and as adults we take it further. I need to know about sexual acts you have done with other people, Too many times before you say nothing happened. I don't believe you and I need the truth. Think she ended the call with I've always been faithful, but I forget. Pretty sure I just hung up.

posts: 110   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8685868
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leafields ( Member #63517) posted at 9:31 PM on Friday, August 27th, 2021

I had my XWH read his to me, then I read my version to him. My timeline was much more detailed & opened his eyes to how far he went in such a short amount of time. I feel that the timeline can be beneficial to provide details, but that wasn't the case for us. Anyway, he still couldn't keep his hands to himself, wasn't doing much work on himself, so now we're D.

Lea
Me: BW
Married 34 years, 3 DS
DDay #1: March 26, 2018, DDay #2 8/26/2019
Filed for D: 11/16/2020
D Final: 2/25/2021

posts: 642   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8685886
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 10:15 PM on Saturday, August 28th, 2021

What do you want? To R? To D? To proceed without changing?

Your profile is filled with suspicions of nastiness on your W's part. You're keeping a lot of thinking and feeling inside, where it's eating you up, and I think you need to get it out.

I know your W has given you reasons for serious suspicion in the past, but I don't know who she is now. If she's still wild, or if she looks back fondly on being wild, maybe the relationship isn't a good one for the long term. She may be walking on eggshells because she's afraid of being found out, but she may be doing it because she fears your blowing up.

No matter what, though, I think you need to face your fears and find out what is real and what is not.

I don't know if it's best to rip off the bandages you've been wrapping yourself in for years or doing the unwrapping slowly, but I urge you to somehow open your thoughts and feelings to the air so they can heal. Reading the TL is one way, but not the only way, to start.

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26010   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8686034
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Emotionalhell ( Member #39902) posted at 3:10 PM on Monday, August 30th, 2021

I never got a timeline

Me BS x2. 50Divorced WH #1Currently in limbo (with wayward #2)Dday #1 Oct. 2014Dday # 2 August 2018

posts: 1736   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2013
id 8686204
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redundant ( New Member #75071) posted at 4:56 PM on Monday, August 30th, 2021

I got the mother of all timelines. On DDay my (then) wife came to me with the old "I need to talk to you." She gave me two envelopes. One contained the XXX-rated activities; the other one the PG version.She was hopped up on Zanax and acted like a zombie. She confessed to an affair that lasted an entire semester; four and a half months of solid almost nonstop fucking.

posts: 11   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2020
id 8686233
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redundant ( New Member #75071) posted at 4:58 PM on Monday, August 30th, 2021

I got the mother of all timelines. On DDay my (then) wife came to me with the old "I need to talk to you." She gave me two envelopes. One contained the XXX-rated activities; the other one the PG version.She was hopped up on Zanax and acted like a zombie. She confessed to an affair that lasted an entire semester; four and a half months of solid almost nonstop fucking.

posts: 11   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2020
id 8686234
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 redfish (original poster Member #71426) posted at 5:52 PM on Monday, August 30th, 2021

(edit because of maybe personal detail)

Thanks for reply, I wonder if WW reads my mind, had a wonderful weekend. Without me asking she helped with my project and I helped with her hobby. Also visited a bunch of fun places.

You're keeping a lot of thinking and feeling inside

My first profile was 4 times as long, yikes. I made it to a readable length and I see now a lot got left out. That is not to say you are correct, I do keep those things inside. After each of WWs...incident..I brought up how I felt and she shut me down with...nothing happened...What do I do about that? I Journal and see a psychiatrist and therapist and receive Counseling who gave me methods to talk more with WW.

She may be walking on eggshells because she's afraid of being found out, but she may be doing it because she fears your blowing up.

Blowing up is the wrong word, I meant she edits what she tells me. Latest example, WW told me she told me about a male co worker who both share a...harmless topic...(yes she/I need read Shirley Glass) had a meltdown about how his marriage. I asked her if it was too personal and if she should have shut it down. WW said yes.

After that I rarely heard a story about said coworker. (I'd laugh if he is or became the POS. It happens with other conversations as well. WW takes it wrong or I don't explain it right and she drops all talk as in edit. (guess thats right word)

Reading the TL is one way

I started this thread because of WWs letter. I should have opened but think it's a...lovebomb... Now I don't know how to bring it up. I's been a long time when we had weeks of talk after the last incident. She seems to want to R and I want to R. You are right, I have to bring stuff up to the air. I do it out of the blue?

I never got a timeline

Did you ask for one and she declined. If my WWs timeline is what I think it is, seems like we are in same boat. Will you ask again, or demand one?

[This message edited by redfish at 5:54 PM, Monday, August 30th]

posts: 110   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8686250
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 redfish (original poster Member #71426) posted at 8:55 PM on Tuesday, September 14th, 2021

What do you want? To R? To D? To proceed without changing?


There is not enough information so I've proceeded without change from her or I. I only know she made out with someone at a party. If that is truly the only thing, my side is to R. Her side is to proceed no matter what she did. Yes I know what that is called.
I've read your replies, now I need advice on how to open the timeline/letter. It recently occurred to me...slow learner... she did not ask my thoughts on timeline. I have not said it's unopened.

You're keeping a lot of thinking and feeling inside, where it's eating you up, and I think you need to get it out.


Obviously we have a communication problem and I do keep feelings inside, maybe because if I open up she barely acknowledges them, the next day the subject is forgotten. I suppose her grade should be a "D" and mine a "C"
.

I don't know if it's best to rip off the bandages you've been wrapping yourself in for years or doing the unwrapping slowly, but I urge you to somehow open your thoughts and feelings to the air so they can heal. Reading the TL is one way, but not the only way, to start.

I need to rip off the bandages about this letter.

Do I show her the unopened letter, ask if it explains all the who/where/what/whys or instead an apology letter. Tell her I need a new one?

I had my XWH read his to me,


This post seems an appropriate approach.
I would appreciate any other ways.
When the timeline is read what do I say? Whatever is inside I need to have a constructive response.

posts: 110   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8688483
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Blandy ( Member #79252) posted at 9:25 PM on Tuesday, September 14th, 2021

Well, it's difficult to tell you what to say when no one knows what's in it.

This is your life, you have to be the one that opens it, reads it, and make the decision if R is what you want.

From what I read you say you want R, but it comes across like you just want to rug-sweep.

For two years you've tortured yourself on this. It's time to face the music and see what was written.

posts: 59   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2021   ·   location: TX
id 8688485
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Blandy ( Member #79252) posted at 9:27 PM on Tuesday, September 14th, 2021

But I can say that if I had to write a timeline and later found out that it was never read, I'd think that you didn't care at all.

posts: 59   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2021   ·   location: TX
id 8688486
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 redfish (original poster Member #71426) posted at 10:43 PM on Tuesday, September 14th, 2021

But I can say that if I had to write a timeline and later found out that it was never read, I'd think that you didn't care at all.

Thanks for the insight into her lack of questions or comments after she gave me the timeline. I think that she doesn't care at all.

posts: 110   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8688499
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Blandy ( Member #79252) posted at 10:49 PM on Tuesday, September 14th, 2021

She probably thinks that you've accepted the timeline. As far as she's concerned, if you don't feel the need to mention it, why would she?

posts: 59   ·   registered: Aug. 8th, 2021   ·   location: TX
id 8688500
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BeyondRage ( Member #71328) posted at 4:38 AM on Wednesday, September 15th, 2021

If you do not read the timeline, how on earth do you know what is in it and how do you make any decisions.
Yes, once you open it, it could contain very hurtful information. Or it could be exactly what you think it contains.

If she does not know you have not opened it, why would she not think you have accepted it????

You’re obviously trouble enough about this timeline to post about it here. I suggest you open it. But before you do, have some idea or plan on what you might feel or do given the various things it could contain.

Me- 49M
WW- 48F
Kids- 23,21,20,18 all female
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=640592

posts: 476   ·   registered: Aug. 19th, 2019   ·   location: Southeast USA
id 8688560
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 redfish (original poster Member #71426) posted at 8:38 PM on Thursday, September 16th, 2021

If she does not know you have not opened it, why would she not think you have accepted it?

I must misunderstand the point for for WS to make some effort to...freely express your remorse and shame for your unfaithfulness, quote from…Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners. Author unknown. I understand a BS might not know how to help so she will read this.

Yes, if I reverse what you posted. I failed to tell her I don't accept it.

I suggest you open it. But before you do, have some idea or plan on what you might feel or do given the various things it could contain.

I did not have some ideas about my reaction. As my IC knew I opened the timeline with them.

...She did not want to hurt me, Sorry for her actions, drinks to much, forgot Karaoke night happened

Her girl outings were typical places a married individual would go with a few…lame spicy…details for effect.

IC helped me record my version which also included other places she promised were...harmless. I was clueless and as... a nice H...I trusted her to go to them.

IC mentioned if I thought letter was…Truth but not full of the truth. Asked if a new timeline would differ or add from old one. It was tough, glad someone comforting was with me.

I had my XWH read his to me, then I read my version to him.

After a second timeline I will take your advice and read a...my version...to WW.

Off topic, This week I asked my W or whoever she is some questions about herself and how I feel about her. She said…I have nothing to worry about and sorry…She repeatedly asked what she did. Held my ground and said you tell me, this is your problem to fix.

Thanks to advise me to read it.


Edit to add quotes from other members post

[This message edited by redfish at 8:42 PM, Thursday, September 16th]

posts: 110   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2019   ·   location: USA
id 8688822
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