I just found this forum while looking to see if PTSD can be caused by infidelity, apparently so. 5 years ago I found out that my fairy tale life was a farce. I live in a foreign country in a tiny town (pop. 130) and 30 years ago fell in love with my ex. He is a farmer and we built a life together, had two children, built a house and a business together. I caught him cheating and, little by little, found that he had cheated on me throughout the 26 years we were together, 1-4 times a year except for an interval of 10 years when I had the boys. Most of my friends knew something, nobody said anything. I was in complete shock for at least 3 months, tried therapy with him and tried to work it out for two and a half years until I said, ¨No more, I am wasting time and possible happiness."
Five years after finding out, I feel I will be forever traumatized by the event. I should have gone to therapy on my own, I didn't. I live in the same small valley, have been in a steady, healthy relationship with another man for a year, am starting my own business and building a home at age 52.
My ex and I are still family, I respect him as a father and never forget all of the good that we shared. No way I am about to throw away 26 years of my life, and believe me, there was a LOT of good. We have an amicable relationship, although I think it is a bit difficult to be with me at times, he knows his loss. I never thought about moving back to the U.S., my entire adult life has been spent here, and I love the quality of life. I am a bit worried about memory loss as I spent at least 3 years thinking of nothing else but the infidelities, some with "friends", my child´s teacher, a distant cousin, and even tried with a beautiful friend battling cancer, who had come to visit me.
Believe it or not, I am extremely happy! I feel beautiful, thankful, and strong. I took the high road with him, the father of my children, who I was very in love with, and as for the women I know that he was with, they just don't exist when I see them. They are non-existent in my life. I had the occasional rage with the ones I knew, but no more. My time and happiness too important, the respect for my children, is too high.
There are two things I'm very worried about, my memory and fully trusting my new partner. He is communicative, respectful, and very loving, but I have to wonder if one fully trusts after these experiences. Any input?
[This message edited by MountainMama at 10:05 PM, Tuesday, August 17th]