How’s this for a tidal wave of trigger potential? It’s so convoluted it’s comical. It’s so specific that I feel like if anyone in here happened to know me in real life they would figure out who I am (hey if you do, drop me a private message! Lol!).
One of the AP’s was a very close friend. We will call her P. Neighbors. Our husbands worked together. Kids all friends. Etc.
She had a close friend from high school we will call G.
I met G through P and we became friends as well. Those two had tiffs here and there over the years but overall they were tight besties and their families knew each other well as a result.
After DDay (which was over a year after the As) I asked P (the AP - since she was a BFF who confessed there was a lot of communication at first) if she had told G, because I wanted to know who knew my business. She said yes, but only recently. So I reached out to G and basically said “look I know you know my current struggle and I’m hoping you’ll keep that to yourself.” She said she was so horrified at it all she was no longer friends with P.
I didn’t figure that would last. So I kept in touch with G who was being very kind to me (it felt good to be checked on by a friend who knew what was up, she was supportive of us as a couple trying to R… and since she knew my biggest secret I didn’t want to alienate her as a friend even though we weren’t super close and it was kind of triggery). But I kept her at arms length overall. I didn’t want to open up to her and confide very much and then have her and P become close friends again. Too risky.
And then they did reconnect when P’s dad was sick. But something happened and that didn’t last long. I never asked. And then the pandemic. It became clear through social media they had no contact. Wow.
Fast forward… pandemic is lifting, G and I still chat. Nothing is ever said about P at all. We make plans to have lunch. Again I was feeling cautious but grateful for her overall.
Just days before our lunch, G’s mom died unexpectedly! So sad for her. So I went to the visitation and funeral.
Which… was held as it turns out on a big birthday for P! One we would have all no doubt been celebrating together if she and my FWH had not made an epically stupid decision one night. I said nothing of this as I hugged G tight. I was really expecting to see evidence they had patched up. I wouldn’t have blamed her for reconnecting with a longtime friend who knew her mom. No sign of that at all! And I didn’t ask, despite that my first time seeing G in person in over a year was on P’s big birthday. But I’m sure it was in her mind too. Whew. Survived that.
Oh and also!! The same day of the service happened to be the anniversary of two close friends, a wedding I attended… attended with P and her husband (long before the ONS), while it doubled as a celebration of her birthday. Except that couple is now separating because, among other things, she cheated. We were together that evening for unrelated reasons, just after the funeral. So all this is on my mind as I comfort her. I think she knows I know she cheated. She knows it has been rumored and she admits she messed up. I don’t know if she knows about hubby and me! She might because there are mutual friends in the loop. But we never shared. So I’m angry with her but I can’t say fully how angry. I’m sad for her because I do love her as a friend and she’s hurting. I’m empathizing with her husband who I love like a brother, but I can’t say that to him. But if I knew for sure he knew my business already I would say.
It’s a mess.
To his credit hubby asked me right away after the funeral if there were any hiccups. I knew what he meant. Triggers or unexpected AP sightings. Although it had been hard it was ok. He treated me really well all day. He was patient when I pointed out the added irony of the birthday and the anniversary of our friends who are now dealing with this same mess. He did good. Oddly, comforting G felt like the right thing to do for lots of reasons. In a symbolic way even. And we will get that lunch when she’s ready.
Thank you for following my crazy weekend journey!
