I have been married 20 years, together 27. We have adopted two kids out of foster care and are foster parents. She has a very troubling childhood and deep scars. She struggles with self worth daily. Still, we have loved each other since HS and been best friends.
For whatever reason, shortly after marriage, she got into online gaming as an escape. At times, she would game over 60 hours a week. Over the years she has had 4 emotional affairs with other gamers. We repaired things after each one.
This last one though went physical. She has ended it, has not blamed me and is finally in therapy to work on herself and why she keeps spiraling. We are still together in the same home, but I find myself struggling with feelings of sadness, confusion, self worth. We have agreed to work on ourselves, do the parenting thing and see where things go, but the pain is intense especially when I am at work and she is home with the kids as I fear her going backwards.
I know her struggles, her past traumas aren't her fault, but I fear I keep enabling her to hurt me.
I am most conflicted in this : My deepest desire is to love, protect her and be her knight, but it conflicts with my pain and the desire to protect myself. I struggle with finding ways to process and finding direction.
Any assistance in trying to find outlets for myself, while letting her work on herself is appreciated. The goal is to have us both healed, no matter if together or not.
