Newest Member: Loyalandbetrayed

Just Found Out :
Trying to find some balance

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Hope4Wholeness (original poster New Member #79074) posted at 3:54 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

I have been married 20 years, together 27. We have adopted two kids out of foster care and are foster parents. She has a very troubling childhood and deep scars. She struggles with self worth daily. Still, we have loved each other since HS and been best friends.

For whatever reason, shortly after marriage, she got into online gaming as an escape. At times, she would game over 60 hours a week. Over the years she has had 4 emotional affairs with other gamers. We repaired things after each one.

This last one though went physical. She has ended it, has not blamed me and is finally in therapy to work on herself and why she keeps spiraling. We are still together in the same home, but I find myself struggling with feelings of sadness, confusion, self worth. We have agreed to work on ourselves, do the parenting thing and see where things go, but the pain is intense especially when I am at work and she is home with the kids as I fear her going backwards.

I know her struggles, her past traumas aren't her fault, but I fear I keep enabling her to hurt me.

I am most conflicted in this : My deepest desire is to love, protect her and be her knight, but it conflicts with my pain and the desire to protect myself. I struggle with finding ways to process and finding direction.

Any assistance in trying to find outlets for myself, while letting her work on herself is appreciated. The goal is to have us both healed, no matter if together or not.

posts: 7   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2021
id 8672746
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Newlifeisgreat ( Member #71308) posted at 3:58 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

Why should she stop having affairs??? You obviously don’t have a problem with her doing it.

From HER perspective, what would make her think that you have a problem with her having affairs? Sure, you get upset for a little bit, but you eventually calm down and everything goes back to the normal happy married life.

You are DEFINITELY enabling her!!

Stop being her knight and hold her accountable for her actions!!!

Betrayed SpouseShe cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being AdulteryDivorced 9/18Now VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets

posts: 664   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2019
id 8672751
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 4:05 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

Read up on serial cheaters.

Bud, shes a grown woman and knows better. You can’t fix her. Making excuses won’t get you a thing.

EA’s progressed to a sexual affair.

You are correct. You are the only one that can keep yourself in this.

[This message edited by Marz at 10:07 AM, July 6th (Tuesday)]

posts: 6611   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8672755
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Cooley2here ( Member #62939) posted at 5:09 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

I just sent you a pm.

To thine own self be true. Shakespeare

posts: 2902   ·   registered: Mar. 5th, 2018   ·   location: US
id 8672778
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SlapNutsABingo ( Member #71353) posted at 8:59 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

We repaired things after each one.

No you did not, that is and absolute fact. She is a serial cheater. Get yourself tested, get yourself a copy of Cheating In a Nutshell, and get yourself readin'....

posts: 383   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2019   ·   location: WI
id 8672878
Topic is Sleeping.
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