Newest Member: girlangry89

Just Found Out :
Pretty certain my (28M) wife(27F) is having an emotional affair

Topic is Sleeping.
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stubbornft ( Member #49614) posted at 3:01 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

So happy for your new job opportunity!

Another reason to not let her know yet is because if she sees that your life is going well and you are moving on with something exciting, she might start getting nastier with you and/or lashing out and you sooooo don't need that.

Me: BS 40
Him: WS 51
He cheated with massage parlor sex workers
Dday 01/19/2021

posts: 804   ·   registered: Sep. 14th, 2015   ·   location: TX
id 8671498
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guvensiz ( Member #75858) posted at 3:08 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

A liar's words should never be seen as they are.

Unless there is a compelling reason, she would never want to leave the side of the man she is in love with.

Remember my post about possible conversations at the office. A troublesome situation may have arisen for them at work. Either a director warned them, or they were afraid of such a thing and took a joint decision.

In this case, it would be much nicer to serve her in the office.

posts: 478   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8671501
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 3:42 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

In this case, it would be much nicer to serve her in the office.

I agree. Take your power back. After she’s served go dark. Ignore any call, texts, etc.

You’ve put up with enough disrespect.

posts: 6616   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8671507
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KingofNothing ( Member #71775) posted at 4:19 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

I am accepting the job.

Sometimes God doesn't give you what you want; he gives you what you need.

Fantastic news for another big step on the road out of infidelity. You are doing really really well.

I'm happy for you-- the rest of this affair is just negotiation and paying attention to the details.

I'd be sorely tempted to lob a bomb into the HR department of her firm on the way out, but nobody said I was a nice guy, either. You do what seems right.

Rex Nihilo, the King of Nothing
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“If you’re going through hell, keep going. Just please stop screaming, it’s not good for morale.”
— Winston Churchill

BS 3 DDays/Attempted R, it failed. In a better place

posts: 769   ·   registered: Oct. 7th, 2019   ·   location: East Coast USA
id 8671518
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Thumos ( Member #69668) posted at 4:48 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

I am accepting the job.

Luckily, the new firm is willing to assist me with moving/relocation fees, and also is willing to be very flexible with my start date and allowing me to work remotely while I get my affairs in order and prepare the transition/move. So it's not like I have to hurriedly wrap everything up and get out ASAP.

I have decided to NOT say anything to WW right now. I am going to take the weekend away with my family, try to have some fun, and try to get my mind off things. When I feel the time is right, I will just tell my wife that I accepted a new job elsewhere and will be working a hybrid remote/traveling to the office every now and then while we navigate finalization of the divorce and wrapping up our stuff.

Cheesecake, we see a lot of betrayed spouses show up here and then watch as they twist around in painful limbo. We try to tell them the mistakes we made and how we wish we'd had someone telling us the right steps to take when we were in those early days of dealing with this terrible trauma. It can get pretty disheartening watching them ignore this advice over and over.

I can only say to you how incredibly ENCOURAGING it is to see you take back your power, reassert your inner integrity as a man and move on resolutely with YOUR life. You're making your mission your focus, rather than getting wrapped around the axles of your WW's dysfunction.

Congratulations on continuing to get yourself out of infidelity. Stay on this path. There are plenty of women out there - fine, wonderful women - who will never do this to you. You have a bright future ahead. Always keep your focus on your mission, and allow a good woman to follow if she wants.

You've given me a booster shot going into the holiday weekend. I will continue to pray for your strength and healing.

"True character is revealed in the choices a human being makes under pressure. The greater the pressure, the deeper the revelation, the truer the choice to the character's essential nature."

BH (me): 50, WW: 49
Married: Feb. 1996
DDAY: Dec. 20

posts: 4227   ·   registered: Feb. 5th, 2019   ·   location: UNITED STATES
id 8671529
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 5:37 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

All good on your end.
Too bad she hasn’t stopped seeing Mark. I think they might have been reprimanded at their office so she’s planning ahead to get out earlier so as not to be served there.

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8671559
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 CheesecakeBaker (original poster Member #78991) posted at 5:39 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

Congratulations on continuing to get yourself out of infidelity. Stay on this path. There are plenty of women out there - fine, wonderful women - who will never do this to you. You have a bright future ahead. Always keep your focus on your mission, and allow a good woman to follow if she wants.

You've given me a booster shot going into the holiday weekend. I will continue to pray for your strength and healing.

Thank you so much for saying this.

I know that in the early days of my post, I was really in a bad place. Wishy-washy, teeter-tottering back and forth. It was so hard. I felt so many things - and I still do - but one thing I do remember feeling so strongly was a lot of support and strength. I am so glad that posted here and got my story off my chest. I am glad that I had the courage to stand up for myself - finally.

I never thought I'd be in this position (getting cheated on; getting divorced). But then again, I never expected such a huge outpouring of kindness, support, and encouragement from so many internet strangers.

posts: 103   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2021
id 8671560
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 CheesecakeBaker (original poster Member #78991) posted at 5:40 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

Too bad she hasn’t stopped seeing Mark. I think they might have been reprimanded at their office so she’s planning ahead to get out earlier so as not to be served there.

Yeah, i'm pretty positive she is still in contact with him.

I asked her yesterday if she has talked to anyone about this, or told anyone. She just said, "Only the...obvious parties." (i.e., Mark?)

Whatever.

She's going to get a new, better job and I'm glad for her.

posts: 103   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2021
id 8671561
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SlapNutsABingo ( Member #71353) posted at 5:54 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

Congrats on your new journey! You will succeed in ways you can't even imagine yet...

Hellfire stated it very succinctly awhile back, this affaire started VERY shortly after she met "Mark" and went physical very fast. Thus the sudden demise of your marriage you spoke about. She may be leaving the firm for reasons of bettering herself, or wanting to completely take this out of the shadows and their firm will not allow that while still employed there, or just possibly its no fun anymore for "Mark" to sleep with a soon to be unmarried woman and she won't admit that its ended...

posts: 383   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2019   ·   location: WI
id 8671565
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KingofNothing ( Member #71775) posted at 7:29 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

Whatever.

She's going to get a new, better job and I'm glad for her.

Exactly. You don't have to hate the people who hurt you. You just let them go and wish them well in their fantasy world. Indifference is a blessing that relieves you of a heavy burden.

With that said, I would not feel obliged to minimize who gets told what. She's already crafting the poor pitful me PR blitz to counter what her friends and family will think of a woman married for two years that commits adultery. She's relying on you ignoring her narrative. For the most part, I'd say "let her live her life far away from me" but if she starts saying "CCB was abusive, emotionally distant, aloof, a workaholic, whatever..." keep in mind what you risk by her lying about your role in this. She'll be desperate to make herself the victim by making you the bad guy. I dont' know if that notion is alarming or not any more, that's really your call. Just be aware-- demonizing the ex is a common tactic for freshly divorced XWs who were cheating.

Rex Nihilo, the King of Nothing
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“If you’re going through hell, keep going. Just please stop screaming, it’s not good for morale.”
— Winston Churchill

BS 3 DDays/Attempted R, it failed. In a better place

posts: 769   ·   registered: Oct. 7th, 2019   ·   location: East Coast USA
id 8671591
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CuriousObserver ( Member #78743) posted at 7:35 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

I know that in the early days of my post, I was really in a bad place. Wishy-washy, teeter-tottering back and forth. It was so hard. I felt so many things - and I still do - but one thing I do remember feeling so strongly was a lot of support and strength. I am so glad that posted here and got my story off my chest. I am glad that I had the courage to stand up for myself - finally.

I was seriously worried for you, but pain will put you there. I'm so grateful you have stepped back and grabbed your life by the throat and led your heart out and away from this abuse. Keep posting here. You still need the collective experience found here.

Listen to their words but believe their actions.
The power of a lie is that it is believed to be truth.

posts: 112   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2021   ·   location: USA
id 8671592
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DBFool2019 ( Member #72288) posted at 8:09 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

I am accepting the job.

Luckily, the new firm is willing to assist me with moving/relocation fees, and also is willing to be very flexible with my start date and allowing me to work remotely while I get my affairs in order and prepare the transition/move. So it's not like I have to hurriedly wrap everything up and get out ASAP.

I have decided to NOT say anything to WW right now. I am going to take the weekend away with my family, try to have some fun, and try to get my mind off things. When I feel the time is right, I will just tell my wife that I accepted a new job elsewhere and will be working a hybrid remote/traveling to the office every now and then while we navigate finalization of the divorce and wrapping up our stuff.

I am so happy to hear about you taking the job! We were talking on Reddit when you 1st posted and wow you have come a long way.

It's amazing what happens with the world when you start loving and caring for yourself isn't it?

Onward and upward sir!

posts: 124   ·   registered: Dec. 13th, 2019
id 8671605
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 CheesecakeBaker (original poster Member #78991) posted at 8:15 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

I am so happy to hear about you taking the job! We were talking on Reddit when you 1st posted and wow you have come a long way.

It's amazing what happens with the world when you start loving and caring for yourself isn't it?

Onward and upward sir!

I truly appreciated how caring and supportive you were over there. It helped a lot.

Everyone here has helped a ton.

posts: 103   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2021
id 8671608
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DeWittle ( Member #50857) posted at 8:19 PM on Thursday, July 1st, 2021

Cheesecake, you continue to impress me, are you sure you're only 28! I've sat back as long as I can, I have to comment. You have made, IMO, the RIGHT decision at every juncture of navigating this shit situation you were handed, and this last one of keeping the new job and move to yourself. She doesn't DESERVE to know your situation!

JMO, she is a special kind of person. She denied you to remain faithful to her BF, fuck her! I'd change my cell number, too, she'd have to hire a PI to find me. Sorry, end of my vent.

posts: 322   ·   registered: Dec. 17th, 2015
id 8671610
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 2:29 AM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

I asked her yesterday if she has talked to anyone about this, or told anyone. She just said, "Only the...obvious parties." (i.e., Mark?)

It seems like she's really staying... with him. He's well informed about what's going on in her life.

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8671715
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 3:21 AM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

She's going to get a new, better job and I'm glad for her.

Her words. Doubtful at best.

posts: 6616   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8671722
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 CheesecakeBaker (original poster Member #78991) posted at 2:18 PM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

Her words. Doubtful at best.

No, it's true. I saw the offer letter.

Honestly, am happy for her. It's a great opportunity.

So many changes happening in both of our lives...all at the same time. Seems like this was "meant to be" haha.

posts: 103   ·   registered: Jun. 22nd, 2021
id 8671811
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beb252 ( Member #78948) posted at 2:33 PM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

No, it's true. I saw the offer letter.

Honestly, am happy for her. It's a great opportunity.

So many changes happening in both of our lives...all at the same time. Seems like this was "meant to be" haha.

That's actually good for her. I admire your resolve. Despite what she's done to you, you still want what's best for her. Well, not with you of course. Hopefully she will also change her ways for the better.

Good luck!

posts: 376   ·   registered: Jun. 14th, 2021
id 8671819
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Robert22205https ( Member #65547) posted at 2:36 PM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

Someday you will look back and appreciate how lucky you were for her to fully reveal herself prior to having kids.

One of the most important things you'll ever do for your kids is 'who' you pick for their mother. They deserve a better human being and a better role model than her.

[This message edited by Robert22205https at 8:36 AM, July 2nd (Friday)]

posts: 2409   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8671822
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Newlifeisgreat ( Member #71308) posted at 3:33 PM on Friday, July 2nd, 2021

Have a great weekend with your family.

Do not hesitate to lean on them. They are there for you, and they WANT to be there for you. They WANT you to ask for their help, they may reluctant to offer as they may be concerned that they are sticking their nose where you don’t want it.

I know this may be difficult to believe, but you are doing quite well. Keep detaching from her. It is now time to think about yourself first. What she does from this point on is no longer your concern.

Whenever she pops into your head, just concentrate on 2 words: Keep Detaching. Keep Detaching

You are doing well. Keep it up.

Betrayed SpouseShe cheated and I filed immediately upon discovering. She never even suspected that I knew until the moment she was served with reason being AdulteryDivorced 9/18Now VERY happy with new life, 0 regrets

posts: 664   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2019
id 8671875
Topic is Sleeping.
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