Re. the mixed feelings and this:
Thanks for the support everyone.
I want to clarify that my urge to "talk to her" is not at all to like, convince her to "come with me" or anything. More just like...
She's been in my life for 6 years. Everything I did, I did with her - with us - in mind. So now that this HUGE new opportunity gets dropped in my lap, it is so weird to...not say anything.
Let me start by saying that as someone who has followed your story from its beginning, and who wants the best for you, I wholeheartedly advise you to grasp this new offer with both hands. The timing could not be better, and like a lot of people here, I hope this can be a fresh, new start for you.
However, the notion of a change, a break, a fresh start, even a 'liberation', no matter how positive those things are, all relate to the end of a six-year relationship, so of course they stir up pain and mixed feelings. That is natural, and as other have said, you should allow yourself to cry, vent, and let it all out.
The question of telling or not telling your wife involves reframing her in your perspective and - no matter what she has done - in your heart too. And that is bound to hurt, even if that change is necessary to free you from the unhealthy dynamic you have lived in for the past six months, and possibly longer.
In my view, you are under no obligation at all to tell your wife, particularly after she gas-lit you for six months. Not telling her might be a healthy step towards detaching from her, which is necessary, but also why it hurts and feels unnatural to you.
I suggest you wait a week, or even two weeks, and see what your gut tells you at that point. She stopped being honest with you about new developments in her life some time ago, and it could be argued that what goes around comes around, but the only thing that matters is what feels right to you. Which is why I suggest waiting a week or longer and seeing how you feel then.
Who knows what she may do in that time? You are entering a divorce from her, and it might be better to limit the amount of information you give her about your future plans from now on, just to be on the safe side.
From what you have said, the new job is better, you will be closer to your friends and support group, and it offers a new start in a new place. You really deserve that, after everything you have been put through.
My thoughts - and those of the rest of the people here - are with you.