"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

JulyDD posted 4/20/2021 09:57 AM

Hi All:

Not sure if this should be in the General or Recon section. But since we are in R, I am posting here.

My FWH (which I hope means former wayward husband as opposed to future WH) passed his polygraph.

Because I can't find a proper search box on SI, I will outline our polygraph experience for anyone else who wonders about it. I really wanted to find more info on here but couldn't find any (I may not have been searching properly).

In my case, I was looking to confirm or negate the timeline of the A and same for if there were any other affairs during our marriage.

As I have said to my H many times, "The only time I ever suspected you were having an affair was when you were having an affair." But largely, I really was in the dark at the time and so, I wonder what else I have been in the dark about. I am about 9 months into my DDay.

The polygrapher gave me 2 questions/areas to focus on. That may be hard for someone and it was for me. I kind of wanted to ask 10 or more questions. But I settled on:

-While living at home, did you see the AP more times than your timeline discloses?

-Had there been other affairs during our marriage?

For the record, I am not looking for input on my questions, or the technique of our polygrapher. I am pleased with the experience and the results. I hope to help someone else looking into the polygraph experience.

I did not tell my H what questions I had submitted, nor did the polygrapher confirm with me exactly how he would phrase the questions (though they were written out in the final report). I set up the appointment and so, was the client and would receive the final report.

My H went up to the offices alone and the report was emailed to me about 5 hours later.

It goes without saying this isn't "Phew! That's over." But I will say that I am happy to know that he was not deceptive in his answers.

Very early on, when my H got his phone records that I had asked for, I pored over them for weeks and then, I was done. I feel that now, the damage of the A and the massive gaslighting and deception is still there, I know that his timeline was honest to me. And that the A was the A.

I hope this helps someone.

Unhinged posted 4/20/2021 13:12 PM

Because I can't find a proper search box on SI... I really wanted to find more info on here but couldn't find any (I may not have been searching properly).

Are you searching for more threads about polygraphs? The topic comes up regularly, so there might be a thread about it in recent pages.

JulyDD posted 4/20/2021 17:22 PM

I was looking for them a few months ago. My post is more to be helpful to someone else looking for someone's experience as a betrayed spouse. I've obviously looked for past threads. Great suggestion.

Camel posted 4/20/2021 18:11 PM

Not to be a negative nancy. Are one night stands considered affairs? Since that was not one of the questions would that effect the outcome of the polygraph?

Camel posted 4/20/2021 18:12 PM

Andddddd. I failed to read your whole post and I apologize for putting in my 2 cents.