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Update of a sorts

justkate posted 4/8/2021 17:16 PM

So I saw him about a week ago, hadn't seen each other since his comment. This time he tells me I am so strong and he thought what he said wouldn't affect me like it did. What?? He msg'd a bit after that but now nothing... even the msg's felt like he was just talking to a friend.
I'm not initiating any contact but hate feeling like my life is back in limbo.
I want so badly to msg and thank him for treating me just like my exh (which he knew about as we'd talked about our marriages early on).
I am realizing that there really isn't anything acceptable in how he has treated me that I could consider staying with him no matter what he were to say. I would prefer to have that conversation in person but hey we're in another lockdown. Technically we could meet since he lives alone but I don't see him agreeing to that. Its like he's turned out to be just like my exh... avoid being the bad guy and taking the coward's way out.
Should I msg him or send him a letter?
I'm done with this kind of treatment and childishness (he's 60 by the way).

Karmafan posted 4/8/2021 19:12 PM

I want so badly to msg and thank him for treating me just like my exh (which he knew about as we'd talked about our marriages early on)

Nope. Please donít. Although you have every right to feel angry, telling him so and comparing him to your ex wonít help your cause. NC is the only way forward at this point.
Should I msg him or send him a letter?

Neither. I know itís hard but you need to let this one go Kate. It was clear from your other post that he was detaching whilst hiding behind silly excuses. Heís now given you plenty more evidence and chiding him and chasing him wonít change his mind and will only hurt you.

Sorry you are going though this Kate, breakups really suck

BearlyBreathing posted 4/8/2021 20:31 PM

Hi Kate, and yeah, sorry you are going through this.

I think this is one for write the letter, then have a little burning party and burn that letter.
He doesnít deserve to know how he affected you. Speak your mind, but not to him.

Hang in there.

AnnieOakley posted 4/8/2021 23:33 PM

This time he tells me I am so strong and he thought what he said wouldn't affect me like it did. What??

Exactly. So that gives him license to treat you poorly because he didnít think you would take it personally after a 3 year relationship? The truth hurts and Iím guessing this is as close as you are going to get to it.

Please quit engaging with him. You are only prolonging the hurt. He is not going to give you the real reason for sorta ending the relationship...again...he wants you to do it. So do yourself a favor and just rip the bandaid. Then you can start focusing on yourself.

You deserve better. ☮️

justkate posted 4/10/2021 18:35 PM

Thank you everyone... it's been a rough week but I have not made any contact. I guess what makes it harder for me is 10 years ago at this same time was when exh was pulling the same crap. Also that he (exso) turned out to be so cowardly that he couldn't tell me the truth and so I feel as though there's no real closure.

I have let my boys (only 1 still at home and only til next Jan) that things are over. They all knew something was up and eldest isn't even in Canada right now...they all just know me and sensed something was up. Plus I can't lie worth a s$#t about anything, I didn't give them details and they didn't ask. Just told me to take care of myself.

I did box up things I'd been given... I don't want or need those reminders every day. And weirdly I'm now kind of glad he'd never come to my place... no ghosts or memories.

I do have some big work to do on my house after my mortgage renewal in about a month and a half so I'll focus on that and plotting about the awesome home office space I'll have when the youngest moves out.

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