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Anger Binge

Fablegirl posted 4/6/2021 14:57 PM

Anyone fall back into an anger binge after a transition? I just moved to a fantastic new place with DD after 25 years on XWH's family farm. Where I live now is even more beautiful than the place I left and we're very happy here. XWH will move into the old house, which has fallen into disrepair.
DD graduates soon and will be off to college. I got my COVID shot and am feeling optimistic. So why am I so angry at XWH again?
I have a few guesses about how it started percolating -- going through old memories, photos and things in the house. Then on Easter I saw that my former MIL (with whom I remain close) had brunch with him and OW. Also things with SO are bleh again. I notice that when things go a bit south there I tend to direct my focus to the past.
I am trying to meditate and stay focused but I just feel distracted and angry and am drafting hateful emails to XWH that I stop myself from sending but it's a weird loop. Intellectually I know anger doesn't solve anything, yet it's like a drug for me sometimes. Help!

Shehawk posted 4/6/2021 17:33 PM

For me it is just a stage I revisit. I try to not stay too long in anger. But if I am there I don't judge myself or anyone else.

Who wouldn't be mad? These people did things that were abusive and could have killed us.

Sending positive thoughts and I hope you enjoy your new place.

BetrayedGamer posted 4/6/2021 18:14 PM

It's often a double-edged sword. Sometimes holding anger in too long ends up manifesting itself in bad dreams (it did that too me for a long time after my first divorce).

I think Shehawk has the right idea, it's ok to revisit but not for too long, or it consumes you.

leafields posted 4/7/2021 00:11 AM

Maybe stop following your MIL for awhile so you don't see pics? Just remember, those pictures just show "all the world's a sunny day" and don't reflect what is real.

Karmafan posted 4/8/2021 09:31 AM

Also things with SO are bleh again. I notice that when things go a bit south there I tend to direct my focus to the past.

I think thatís probably the issue. If you are not happy in your current relationship, you should seriously stop and think whether you are where you want to be, or whether you are settling. Thatís probably why seeing your XWH with OW hurts that little bit more. Because you think you deserve to be happy way more than he does (and you are not).

Your MIL sounds like my MIL, who famously said, when introduced to AP for the first time, and in front of my heartbroken children: Ďthank you for saving my soní . Yup

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