TwoDozen posted 3/31/2021 03:34 AM

Moving to IHS (once kids are told) so need to draft an amicable agreement regarding what happens during and after this time. As we are not married we don’t have any legal ties other than house and children so we will be using a period of approximately 6 months to deal with those before selling the house.

Just interested if anybody has any suggested separation agreement clauses or complete agreements that I should consider including.

This should be a fair agreement for both WGF and BBF with everything being split 50/50. I am not interested in coming out with more because I am the betrayed. I just want 50% of the assets and most importantly 50% of the time with the children.

TIA

TD

[This message edited by TwoDozen at 4:44 AM, March 31st (Wednesday)]

DanielJK posted 3/31/2021 06:42 AM

Not sure if this helps, but typical divorce settlement agreements include the following:

-Language about going separate ways, living independently, one can't encumber the other.

-Custody of children and parenting schedule (google "sample parenting plan"). I have a good template if you want to PM me. What about holidays? Where will the kids be on holidays (xmas, thanksgiving, etc.) What about other holidays? What about parent birthdays, kids birthdays? School vacations, who has the kids? Separate vacations? What days will the kids be with which parent? Week to week? 3 days with one parent, then back to the other parent? Who makes decisions for the kids? There's a lot that goes into a parenting plan.

-Medical insurance, especially for the kids. Who will carry it? Who will cover co-pays? What about medical issues not covered by insurance (unreimbursable charges). Usually whoever has the cheaper insurance through employer carries it for the kids.

-Alimony and child support. I know you are not married, but will one person be paying the other until the kids are 18 or beyond.

-Division of real estate.

-Division of other property (cars, cherished items, jewelry, etc.)

-Life insurance. Will you both maintain a policy and name the other as beneficiary?

-College planning. Are you contributing to college savings, who will pay for higher education?

-Retirement accounts. Married folks may have a QDRO (qualified domestic relations order) which divides retirement assets so they are equal (or whatever the court decides is "equal"). If not, maybe state that retirement assets are your own and will not be divided.

-Tax matters, who gets the mortgage deduction, who gets the child credit (one child=alternate years?). How will current taxes be filed? Again, not married so I assume married filing jointly was never an option.

-Debts and liabilities. Who is responsible?

-What happens to any joint accounts?

-What happens to any other brokerage, savings, checking accounts?

-What about life insurance on the kids? Or other accounts for the kids. Who will be responsible for what?

My state has a template divorce agreement that covers all of these items. Maybe check the family court system website in your state for information related to divorce. I know your not divorcing but it may provide appropriate guidance.

Please, I can't stress this enough. I am not an attorney and this should not be construed as legal advice. However, I have read divorce agreements and these are the items that I usually see in them including my own.

Your best bet may be to seek legal advice from an attorney.

[This message edited by DanielJK at 7:01 AM, March 31st (Wednesday)]

TwoDozen posted 3/31/2021 08:30 AM

Thanks Daniel 👊🏻

This0is0Fine posted 3/31/2021 11:17 AM

Depending on how you are financially or what your support network looks like, you might want to consider "Nesting". This is where you take turns as the "on duty" parent in the shared home while the other goes to live elsewhere. This could also work if you have a good enough separate location during IHS, but it helps to make it where you can both avoid conflict and bonding over shared parenting responsibilities.

TwoDozen posted 3/31/2021 12:08 PM

You guys know me so well !!!

Bonding is absolutely a big risk for us both !!

TD

Anna123 posted 3/31/2021 15:23 PM

Daniels list is awesome.

As we are not married we don’t have any legal ties other than house and children ------ I just want 50% of the assets and most importantly 50% of the time with the children.

I assume by assets you are referring to the stuff that goes with the house and no bank accounts or retirement etc.? Either way, be careful if he gives any hint of not being amicable to your liking. The reason I say this is he should be relieved you are accepting only 50% and aren't wasting his money on lawyers. Make sure he stays in his place. Know in your heart that he is lucky to have you going along like this.

Cheaters have a tendency to play nice until things get real and BS's have a tendency to try to be nice and give in during divorce (in your case separation) and regret it later. I hope it continues to your liking, so much better for everyone involved.

One more thing, depending on his personality. The little tax things add up and some people don't think about that. If he isn't thinking about it, try to get him to throw in that you get all of the tax credits etc. Not just for financial benefits but because It simplifies things in a huge way.

Good luck.