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leafields (original poster guide #63517) posted at 5:12 AM on Saturday, March 27th, 2021
Three years ago today, I saw the videos that blew up my life and my SIL'S life.
My advice? Have IC with a betrayal specialist, get meds from your doctor to help. Focus on you, because you've probably neglected you for so long. R is hard and only works in few scenarios.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
Karmafan ( member #53810) posted at 10:53 AM on Saturday, March 27th, 2021
Leafield, after reading your story.....I am so glad I am an only child!
Joking aside, all betrayals suck but yours is a special kind of sucky! Well done for getting yourself out of a very unhealthy situation and choosing you.
Anniversaries are there to remind us of our strength and integrity in not putting up with our WS’s morally corrupted choices so congrats on having come this far 
[This message edited by Karmafan at 4:56 AM, March 27th (Saturday)]
Me 48 XWH Irrelevant D-day 23 Feb 163 amazing, resilient kids
You are not a drop in the Ocean, you are the entire Ocean in a drop
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 2:20 AM on Monday, March 29th, 2021
So sorry. We started into this about the same time. Or at least when we both found out. I am so sorry for everyone's pain. Sending positive thoughts
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
leafields (original poster guide #63517) posted at 6:02 AM on Monday, March 29th, 2021
Thanks for the positive thoughts.
I always wanted a daughter, but now know I would be scared XH abused her, too.
Projection is a bitch.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
DanielJK ( member #75654) posted at 12:49 PM on Monday, March 29th, 2021
I wish you all the best Leafields.
I second your suggestions. I think I was fortunate because I had my regular physical already scheduled with my doctor about the time of my dday…I told him what I was going through and he was right on it. I have to say it helped me immensely. Especially sleeping…gosh it was so hard to sleep those first couple of months.
And the specialist advice is spot on. We tried two marriage counselors…both complete disasters. I would not recommend MC to anyone immediately after dday. Start with IC and focus on you. From day one I’ve heard many people say this to me (focus on you) and I really did not know what it meant. After 9 months of hell (now going into my 11th month since dday) I’m finally starting to get it, and it’s because of folks like you here on SI.
I’m glad you are finally out of a toxic environment. Here’s to better days ahead.
Thank you for supporting me.
BH 51
STBXWW 53
2 daughters, 14 and 16
Filed for divorce 12/23/2020
After a year of hell I finally moved out (5/26/2021).
Divorce still pending.
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