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Eating: Just when you think triggers are over

AthameAflame posted 3/23/2021 22:27 PM

Iíve been separated for over a year and divorced for 7 1/2 months. Iíve been doing so well! Paid off an insane amount of debt; working on my mental health with meditation, therapy, and occasional medication; dating (which is totally weird during a pandemic AND at almost 40 after a two decade relationship); and reconnecting with friends and family.

I went to talk with the XWís new boyfriend (or roommate or whatever) just to get a feel for him since my kids will see him a good bit. He seems like a pretty decent guy. I donít have my head in the sandóhe could be a total creep just telling me what I want to hear, so my ears and eyes are WIDE OPEN no matter what. I mean, her last two fellas were meth addicts, so who knows. He actually asked ME if her could trust HER. Ha! I didnít even go there with him.

The trigger? He said that the two of them would have to be monogamous if they were together. I thought, how nice! She can give they to the dude she met three months ago, but not to the man who gave his life to her. Not to the father of her children. Not to her best friend of twenty plus years.

I know the truth. Sheís leading him on just like she led me. Sheís an opportunist. She lost interest in me years before and didnít have the balls to say so. Itís a fabrication. If he is a good guy, he wonít stay long. If he does require monogamy, she wonít stay long.

But it still hurt like hell. I didnít think I could feel this way anymore, but apparently I can. I would not take her back if the fate of the entire world depended on it, but it hurts to see her with someone, especially while Iím over here grasping at straws on online dating sites. 😂😂

Vent over. Back to being my amazing self.

Shehawk posted 3/24/2021 00:02 AM

Ugh so sorry. This stuff hurts but there are good women out there..women with integrity and decency that you just might meet somewhere unexpected.

Hard to not have strong feelings about someone you spent almost half your life devoted to.

I would at one time have thought I would tell my husband's current partner (s) my experiences with him if asked the truth. Honestly tho with the things he does with them sexually not to mention the fact he is still married despite my best efforts to divorce his cheating self and him dragging this out and me down, I am figuring they have to know what they are dealing with. Good luck to them. They are gonna need it. You lose them where you found them generally when they are a cheater.

And the shiny object they picked up thinking it is a diamond straight from a unicorn may be a horse apple. Far be it from me to tell them that.

The guy you are asking about tho I kinda feel sorry for.

katmandude54 posted 3/24/2021 06:51 AM

Thing is THAT part of your life is over. Push it away, deal with whatever your kids need you for and FUHGEDDABOUT her and ANY of her trials and tribulations. My STBXW simply walked out on me and three of our kids five years ago, moved in with her AP (who is STILL married and supporting his wife and kids. The whole "happy" group of them celebrate holidays together, his current spouse and my STBXW. Simply amazing). My STBXW and him JUST built a new house together, she basically ignores out youngest (15 YO girl), has alienated our other two children, and then had the audacity to say why do I need a paper to say we're divorced? She said that cuz she knows she's going to get hit for child support (she makes more than me and the kids have ALL been with me since she left).
You can't fall into the trap of worrying about her or her partners. Just be there for your kiddoes, watch them, talk to them, don't question about the other house UNLESS they come to you with a concern that is affecting them or a problem that could hurt them.
It will hurt. That's called healing. A wound hurts when it scabs over and then hurts again if you pull that scab off before it has healed altogether. Let it heal. Move on. It isn't easy, but it will be satisfying when you finally realize you dint care any more.

HalfTime2017 posted 3/24/2021 18:20 PM

Keep being your amazing self. These types of flare ups come and go like herpes of the ex, but don't let it keep you down.

You know the truth, and sooner or later this guy is going to realize he didnt' win any prize. Let the feels come in, but don't them stay.

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