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So much damage

16forever posted 3/20/2021 14:15 PM

I have been on this site for 9 years now October 29th my divorce was final. I am dating found a pretty good guy but now I have so many issues I am needy he lives 1 hr and 30 min away this weekend I was gna call in sick to spend time with him tomorrow he said naw donít babe I am gna go shooting with friends this made me sad and felt not important like u see me for maybe 10 hrs on the weekend because I work both days and you want to go shooting instead of spend time with me ??? I donít like what has been left behind from my marriage the hurt the issues I have yes I am still in therapy it helps I hate feeling like I am always questioning this person or having a good time when he yes I have Fallen in love with u i just think but have u really?? And is this just a sexual attraction cuz that seems to be a big part I am insecure, needy , I need to feel enormous amounts of love and affection I wish I could ball up all my trauma and burn it

Anna123 posted 3/20/2021 19:28 PM

It sounds like you probably have a pretty good idea of what is going on. It would be worthwhile continue to meet with your counselor to work on why you allow yourself to be so dependent on a man for your self-worth.

The good news is since you are aware of this you can now move forward in your healing. Trust your thoughts on this. If it isn't feeling right, it isn't. It is in your control to adjust YOUR experience of both the relationship, and your own insecure attachment issues.

You might find you get more responses if you separate your thoughts into more readable sentences. Just read it back aloud after pausing only at your periods and question marks and you will see what I am referring to.

Take care.

twicefooled posted 3/21/2021 08:31 AM

Agree with Anna.

What do you do for YOU, to make yourself feel good regardless of anyone else?

Sounds like he had plans with his friends already, and those relationships are just as important as yours is. Ideally this is an example of him considering other people's feelings, which is amazing.

Are there any other things that gives you pause? It's one thing to know you have things to work on but as the saying goes "just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you"

Once I left my marriage, I had a really hard time deciding if Red Flags were waving or if I was looking for something that wasn't there. That was also my clue that I wasn't ready to date.

AnnieOakley posted 3/21/2021 12:52 PM

I need to feel enormous amounts of love and affection

That is an awful lot of pressure to put upon a partner and not healthy as it is causing you anxiety, how long have you been dating the new guy?

If you have been spending every weekend together, we all know it is a positive that we should still maintain our other friendships. Are you able to do this?

How do you maintain contact during the week. Any video calls?

Are you making forward strides with your therapy? Again, the trauma of infidelity is so very long reaching but part of survival is making sure you are healthy and that you have the necessary tools, self care, and boundaries in place so that you donít make a new person suffer the consequences of your ex.

You can do this. ☮️

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