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grubs (original poster member #77165) posted at 6:19 PM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021
Alyssamd24
When I asked him about it he was quick to blame it on his wifes son saying its just because he doesnt listen to him or respect him. I know I can't change or control his behavior but just need to focus on DD. Its so hard.
I kind of found this kind of weird. My stepson has lived with us for the last seven years.
We have conversations. I do half the taxi driving for him. I'm helping to teach him to drive. I believe he respects me and my viewpoints. However; I'm not his parent as he has a mother and had a father until recently. I would not presume to discipline him or tell him want to do. I might give him suggestions or reminders, like texting him pix of the dishes he left in the sink, but in the end that's not my role in his life.
Don't get me wrong, I love him. I support him and cheer him on. I'm proud of the young man he is becoming and my part in that. There is a clear difference from me parenting him though.
Alyssamd24 ( member #39005) posted at 7:04 PM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021
I find it weird as well. I think what you have described is a normal thing for a step parent ( just guessing because I have never been one) but he has said other things in the past just as weird. From what he says and what DD says I dont think he has a healthy relationship with the stepson at all. Its beginning to cause problems in the entire household.
Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you.....the thing you think you can't survive....its the thing that makes you better than you used to be.
grubs (original poster member #77165) posted at 7:27 PM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021
From what he says and what DD says I dont think he has a healthy relationship with the stepson at all. Its beginning to cause problems in the entire household.
I really didn't want to derail your post away from your concern over the daughter, but I assume the ex's forcing the relationship with the sSon is mostly to blame here. I can imagine that the dynamics are pretty awful.
Alyssamd24 ( member #39005) posted at 7:36 PM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021
I agree with you 100% and even tried to tell him that also and even suggested they all attend family therapy together and that is when he blamed everything on the stepson. I tried to remind him that kids need to feel respect to get respect but he didn't want to hear it. I also remember that last school year the step son had gone to school and told the teacher that my XH hit him. I dont know if he did but that is a HUGE red flag that the kid is unhappy about something.
Its not really my place or business. Except it kind of is because my daughter is around it two days a week
Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you.....the thing you think you can't survive....its the thing that makes you better than you used to be.
barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 8:04 PM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021
I am in the middle of this issue right now, although there is no specific problem.
I basically treat my GF's kids as if I am an adult but not their parent. So, if their parents are not around, I'll do a little more parenting (my GF's younger son, for example, is a disaster waiting to happen every time that he tries to cook). Beyond that, if I think that something needs to be done from the perspective of parenting, I discuss with my GF and I let her make the decisions. I am also 100% supportive of my GF and her ex and their parenting.
Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.
grubs (original poster member #77165) posted at 8:47 PM on Tuesday, February 23rd, 2021
Beyond that, if I think that something needs to be done from the perspective of parenting, I discuss with my GF and I let her make the decisions.
Pretty much what I thought step parents roles were. That's why what was posted had me wondering if I was the outlier there.
barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 8:16 PM on Wednesday, February 24th, 2021
Pretty much what I thought step parents roles were. That's why what was posted had me wondering if I was the outlier there.
I don't know your story (grubs) at all.
Let me guess... you're the victim of a lot of gaslighting? It gets you questioning your sanity even when (and especially when) you are doing the right thing. 
Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.
grubs (original poster member #77165) posted at 9:56 PM on Wednesday, February 24th, 2021
Let me guess... you're the victim of a lot of gaslighting? It gets you questioning your sanity even when (and especially when) you are doing the right thing.
It's probably something else going on there. My wife has said I'm an older version of the main character in The Good Doctor. Social cues and socialization aren't not my strong suit, so I tend to have doubts that I fully understand social norms.
The wifes a social butterfly so we make a decent team.
My story is pretty basic compared to most. BH whose WW had an exit EA/PA. I didn't bother to figure out which. The EA was enough for me, separated immediately D done in three months. That was over a decade ago and I've since remarried. Only back due to trigger from my wife friends affair showing that I still have some work to do.
Alyssamd24 ( member #39005) posted at 10:54 PM on Wednesday, February 24th, 2021
Grubs
Good for you for realizing the trigger and coming back for the support!
Sometimes the worst thing that happens to you.....the thing you think you can't survive....its the thing that makes you better than you used to be.
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