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Somebody0392 (original poster new member #77342) posted at 2:19 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
Hi, I’m going through a difficult time. My husband wants a divorce. He hit me with it out of no where. We have been together for 8 years. We share 4 girls together under 6 years old. Two years ago his father died and he started up old bad habits such as drinking, smoking, other stuff. When I met him he was an addict. We worked together in the beginning to get him clean and he was clean. He turned his life around and was great, supportive and he got a great job to support our family. But in the last two years he started to revert to his old habits slowly. The last I knew he said he wanted me and the kids and he was going to kick these habits. Then two days ago he hits me with news. Now he said he is turning cold hearted and he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I guess it turns out he is having an emotional affair with another woman and he loves her. I just know he is leaving us for her because his feelings for her are stronger than they are for me now. She’s new and exciting and I’m just the housewife. So here I am stay at home mom who has to pick up my life and figure it out and I feel like I was blind sided and I feel pathetic that I want to stay and I feel like he should have chosen me and our love. And I feel even more sad for even saying those things cause clearly this is a toxic situation and clearly I should put me and the kids in a better situation, but the future now is so unclear. I feel like it’s going to be impossible to survive. Being a stay at home mom was my life for 5 years. My kids do school at home so the disruption will be massive for them too. Anyways I just came here to vent since I’m alone. I had no friends besides my husband and my kids. I felt the need to get some of my pain out there.
BigMammaJamma ( member #65954) posted at 3:32 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
I am sorry, Somebody, it hurts so bad. I don't have any experience with addiction, but there are others here who have walked that road. I just wanted to just make sure you know you have been heard.
Me- born in 1984Him- born in 1979We both have 2 kids from previous marriages and we share a four year old. I might be a BS, but at this point, I don't know if I'll ever know.
Update: As of 5/8/2020, my WH confirmed I belong in this club
Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 4:14 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
Welcome to SI, Somebody.
I am so sorry that your WH has chosen to be a coward. But in being a coward, he cannot shirk his financial obligations to his family. Please see an attorney or three asap to find out your rights. Having knowledge is power, and it will help you through your journey out of infidelity.
Please practice self-care as much as you can. See your doctor and get tested for STDs and ask for something to help you cope through these early stages. Of course we are here for you as well - we are one hell of a support system.
Sending hugs and strength,
Lala
2025: Me-59 FWH-61 Married 41 years grown daughters- 41 & 37. 1 GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); Five grands ages 15 to 8. D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 7:32 PM on Friday, February 19th, 2021
You are dealing with addiction + cheating + lying from him. Hard combination to beat.
He’s justifying his behavior to himself that gives him permission to cheat. He’s not the only person in the world who lost a parent. That cannot be his excuse to cheat and become an addict.
There is very little you can do except prepare for the D. It hurts like hell. It is not what you want.
But you can either be victimized yet again by him OR you can fight to get what you deserve in terms of alimony and child support.
Your children’s future depends on you standing up for yourself.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
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