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Divorce/Separation :
Ptsd and lifelong spousal support

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 Sallyjay (original poster member #47192) posted at 5:01 PM on Monday, February 15th, 2021

Hello, I once heard someone was going afterlife long spousal support due to the emotional abuse they suffered at the hands of their spouse...

Has anyone else ever heard of this?

I am definitely noticing that I have some PTSD like symptoms and and on a waitlist to consult with a therapist. Any links on websites that talk about this or information is helpful. Thank you in advance.

BS : Me- soon to be divorced - 44
Amazing mother to 13 year old son

posts: 80   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2015   ·   location: Alberta Canada
id 8633429
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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 8:25 PM on Monday, February 15th, 2021

I would imagine that such an idea would require very progressive laws for your location. And a very progressive judge...

Maybe I am biased, but it seemed like the judge in my case very much wanted to give xWW lifetime alimony. His ruling included a page or two explaining why she did not qualify, which could be summed up as the law requires a minimum of 20 years before lifetime alimony could be considered and she literally asked for only 7 years of alimony during her testimony at trial (her attorney then asked for lifetime alimony after trial).

Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.

posts: 5421   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
id 8633478
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Phoenix1 ( member #38928) posted at 10:43 PM on Monday, February 15th, 2021

That is entirely dependent on your jurisdiction's laws. Your best resource for this question is talking to an attorney.

fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!

You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~

posts: 9059   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2013   ·   location: Land of Indifference
id 8633503
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thishurts123 ( member #58848) posted at 3:44 PM on Tuesday, February 16th, 2021

I agree with others you need to know what your state allows for. I was able to get spousal support until my XWH retires due to the length of our marriage (20+ years). Good luck.

posts: 333   ·   registered: May. 21st, 2017
id 8633607
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FusedGlass ( new member #71967) posted at 1:43 AM on Saturday, February 20th, 2021

Others have addressed the spousal support question, so I thought I’d respond to the PTSD question.

First, it’s great that you’re on a waitlist to see a therapist.

I’d recommend the book The Body Keeps the Score for a solid understanding of what trauma does to the brain and some ideas on how to work through it. There are a lot of ways to heal trauma, but I think the body-centered approaches have the best success because trauma really is stored in the body.

Things like yoga, mindfulness, meditation (especially body scans), and Feldenkrais have been tremendously helpful for me (though I still have a long way to go). I’ve done Feldenkrais online, and recently learned about trauma-focused yoga, which looks great.

TRE (trauma release exercises) is something you could look into as well. I did a quick class in it.

Therapy has helped me identify the thought patterns that go with trauma, as well as unraveling a lot of issues that began in childhood and were reinforced by my toxic marriage. All of this is helping me move toward a healthier life in which I hopefully won’t let in more abusive people who cause trauma.

But I think it’s really helpful to do both therapy and body-focused work.

BW, M 20+ years, separated in 2019. Happily divorced since 2021!

posts: 24   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2019
id 8634686
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k8la ( member #38408) posted at 5:07 PM on Saturday, February 20th, 2021

I second reading "The Body Keeps Score" as a way of understanding trauma along with some strategies to deal with it. I have a massage therapist that does the kind of work he recommends with emotional release work. But I'd also recommend "Emotional Alchemy" - that's a book I'm going to listen to many times, because of how the book helps work through emotional trauma.

My massage therapist has had some clients who weren't really prepared to go through the therapy which almost cost him his practice early on - but he's gotten better at educating and getting permission.

posts: 1462   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2013
id 8634762
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